It's October, and in just a couple weeks, a depressingly small percentage of Americans will vote for a new Congress. Sarah Palin's out on the campaign trail, makin' darned sure that the whitest and rightest midterm voters pull the lever for the Republican Party's vision of a plutocratic, latter-day know-nothing non-government. Sure, she might be stumping for two candidates who are in serious trouble, but that's why she quit governoring Alaska, so she could serve as the cavalry in pivotal moments like this one.
Palin fired up her campaign snow machine and drove it on down to Independence, Kansas, "or as Barack Obama would say, 'flyover country.'" She was there to flip pancakes for embattled Republican incumbent Pat Roberts, who is somehow managing to maybe lose as a Republican in a Kansas midterm. Palin told Kansans they should support Roberts because reasons:
You know what it's going to take for America to be saved, and that is, that Republican Party bein' strong there.
He's pro-ANWR, pro-life, pro-gun, he -- you got a lot of bitter clingers and wingers around here, don't you? I'm proud to be with 'em!
[Applause]
Having won over the hearts and minds of hard-workin', conservative-values-valuin' Kansans, Palin continued south to pitch the terrifying "REE-TIRED COLONEL ROB MANESS" to the swamp folk of Louisiana. Maness is challenging incumbent Democrat Mary Landrieu, but thanks to Louisiana's weird, dumb jungle primary system, his candidacy might actually prolong Landrieu's political life by preventing Congressman Bill Cassidy from attaining an outright majority and thus avoiding a Dec. 6 runoff. You wacky Cajuns with your insane election rules, what are we even gonna do with you guys!
Anyway, Palin went down to the bayou and plated up untold chafing dishes of fried alligator, and Maness gave her a commemorative coin for all the hard work she's done for the country.
What a fun trip Sarah had! We hope she writes more about it in her family's annual Christmas letter, and don't even try to call it a "holiday letter," libruls, there's a reason for the season.
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.
Arkansas Republican Senator and evil Pinocchio turned into a real live boy Tom Cotton appeared on CBS's "Face the Nation" to discuss the
attacks on oil tankers on the Gulf of Oman. And while the world is still trying to confirm IF Iran perpetrated the attacks due to conflicting accounts (the US says it was Iran with mines; the Japanese shipping operator says it was a “flying object"), that hasn't stopped GOP politicians like Cotton from trying to turn this into the justification they've been looking for, for great good glorious WAR.
MARGARET BRENNAN: You have long been defined as a hawk on Iran. You see these recent attacks, these are commercial vessels not military installations. What kind of response is warranted?
COTTON: Well Iran for 40 years has engaged in this kind of attacks going back to the 1980s. In fact Ronald Reagan had to reflag a lot of vessels going through the Persian Gulf and ultimately take military action against Iran in 1988. These unprovoked attacks on commercial shipping warrant a retaliatory military strike.
BRENNAN: Are you- you're comparing the tanker war in the '80s to now and saying that that's the kind of military response you want to see?
COTTON: We can make a military wreck- response in a time and in a manner of our choosing. But yes, unprovoked attacks on commercial shipping warrant a retaliatory military strike against the Islamic Republic of Iran.
The goddamn
“Tanker Wars"?! Oh ... you mean when, during the Iraq-Iran War, we waited until Kuwait formally asked for our assistance to escort Saddam Hussein's oil? When Reagan, without approval from Congress, reflagged Kuwaiti vessels? When Reagan got us involved in the Iraq-Iran War leading to a daylong naval battle between Iran and the US, known as Operation Praying Mantis? The conflict we jumped into that led to our mistaking an Iran Air commercial jetliner for an Iranian F-14, shooting it down and killing all 290 people onboard, including 66 children? That's what you want to repeat, Tom Cotton?! Also, whatever happened to our ally, Saddam Hussein?
They say that those who don't learn from history repeat it. Tom Cotton is here to prove Republicans never learn. Watch the video below for yourself:
Cotton says "unprovoked attacks to oil profits" from Iran "warrant a retaliatory military strike"
www.youtube.com
While Tom Cotton was justifying a war with Iran on CBS, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was having a surprisingly harder time on “Fox News Sunday" than he did on CBS when he transparently insinuated what the Trump administration really cares about with Iran (
"Texas Tea").
Pompeo: Trump doesn't war with Iran but will "defend American OIL interests"
www.youtube.com
Seems Pompeo was upset that his “beating the drums of war" shtick was being interrupted to have to answer about Trump
admitting (more like bragging) it was okay to take foreign assistance (and then walking it back when all the killjoys said it was illegal). After playing the ABC News clip, Chris Wallace asked a very pointed yet direct question. Pompeo's answer, however, was far from both:
WALLACE: Is accepting oppo research from a foreign government right or wrong?
POMPEO: Chris, you know you asked me not to call any of your questions today ridiculous ... You came really close right there. (awkward giggle) President Trump has been very clear. He ... he clarified his remarks later. He ... he made it very clear. Even in his first comment. He said "I'd do both." He said he'd call the FBI ...
WALLACE: He said "Maybe I'd do both."
POMPEO: President Trump has been very clear. That he will always make sure that he gets it right for the American people and I'm confident he'll do that here as well.
It was at this moment Pompeo thought he was golden because he's on Fox News and they never follow up! But clearly he forgot Chris Wallace doesn't play like that.
WALLACE: At the risk of getting your ire, the President told "Fox and Friends" on Friday, and I agree, he kind of walked it back...
POMPEO: He didn't walk it back. WALLACE: Yes, he did. Because he said "maybe" on Thursday. And then on Friday, on "Fox and Friends," he said "he'd listen first AND then if the information was bad that he would take it to the FBI or the Attorney General." But he also made it clear to George Stephanopolous that he did not see this as "foreign interference." And I want to play a clip of the President's own words ...
Then Wallace played ANOTHER clip of Trump's idiotic words back to Pompeo. Then he asks Pompeo one more time:
WALLACE: He says "it's not interference, it's information." The country, sir, and I don't need to tell you, has a long history dating back to George Washington in saying that foreign interference in our elections is unacceptable.
POMPEO: Chris, President Trump believes that too. I have nothing further to add. I came on to talk about foreign policy and I think that's the third time you've asked me about a Washington ... piece of ... silliness. That's just, that's just a story that's inconsistent with what I've seen from President Trump do every single day.
After an awkward pause and visible anger in Pompeo's face (really, do watch), Chris Wallace calls it a day ... but remembers to remind Pompeo he's a thin-skinned baby:
WALLACE: I will leave it there. I think I only asked you twice but that's alright Mr. Secretary. Thank you. Thanks for your time and Happy Father's Day, sir.
Watch the video below for yourself.
And that's all for this week in Trump's collusion and "wag the dog"/Saudi oil interest war chants. So let's end with a couple of pictures of my new puppy, Harley Quinn!
Might as well have one last nice thing before our next war or stolen election. Have a week!
OH LOOK AT THE PUPPY. Also give us money to pay the freelancers, if you are able, thank you we love you.
