Spectacular Stacey Abrams Says She May Run For President! Also Beto Might Too


Stacey Abrams and Beto O'Rourke each have a very important decision to make, and that decision could change the trajectory of their lives, reform the Democratic Party, and perhaps even affect the future of this nation for generations to come. Here we are, a year out from the Democratic primary, we have a bajillion candidates running, and The Great Unpleasantness of 2016 still looms painfully and bitterly large (on social media, not in real life, okay?) in our beautiful minds. We literally have a full plate, an over abundance, a smorgasbord of candidates, really it's the makings of a Brokered Convention*, so isn't the most logical and reasonable plan to cajole Beto and Stacey Abrams into joining the fray? Of course it is.

Besides, what else do you do when you are a strong black woman who was robbed of a governorship by a feckless fumplepunt of a Secretary of State who was literally rigging the race he was running in, as the nation watched in horror? How about if you are a soulful emo white guy who galvanized Texas, only to be defeated by The Zodiac Killer in a Senate race? If you are a Democrat from a Red State who almost dick punched the GOP to death, you remind yourself that Trump didn't actually "win" either, and you prepare yourself to try to take his job. Fuck it.

*I don't mind this.


Abrams spent some time recently at South by Southwest, and she spoke of a spreadsheet she had been keeping for years mapping out her future, and according to it, she would not be ready to run for president.

"In the spreadsheet with all the jobs I wanted to do, 2028 would be the earliest I would be ready to stand for president because I would have done the work I thought necessary to be effective at that job," Abrams said.

When people saw this interview they cried and cried and cried because it would be eight more empty years without Abrams to help lead us back from whatever fresh hell this is where the president is so mercenary, evil, stupid, and vile, it allows you to see how altruistic the fucking Kardashian sisters can be. Legit, be nice to Kim. She gets shit done.


"My task is to make certain that a Democrat is elected not only to the White House but that we have a Democratic majority in the Senate and a Democratic majority in Congress," Abrams told South by Southwest.

I always feel so positively inspired when Abrams speaks, the clarity of perspective and forward thinking she dishes out always feels like a call to action, a directive, and lessons on how to be better and do better are ever present and uplifting.

Abrams, who has built a national following, also said she thinks President Donald Trump is "racist," "xenophobic," and "homophobic," but said Democrats should not focus too much on him.

"I think beating Donald Trump is the wrong mission. When you're focused on your enemy, then you are ignoring your allies," she said.

From Essence:

"I need women of color, particularly Black women, to understand that our achievements should not be diminished," Abrams told NYT. She added, "I'm not saying I would be the best candidate, but I'm not going to dismiss it out of hand the way others do."

That spreadsheet didn't know shit, and it is not the boss of Stacey Abrams. IT IS A SPREADSHEET. That's not even a robot. It doesn't get to tell you what to do, IT CAN'T TALK.

Let's check on Beto and see what he's been up to on his "Tour" thingy.


Former Texas Rep. Beto O'Rourke is making his first trip to Iowa of the 2020 campaign, visiting the state that kicks off presidential voting amid intense speculation that he'll enter the race for the White House.

O'Rourke had previously failed to answer invitations to visit Democrats in Iowa, New Hampshire and other early nominating states and hasn't yet made major staffing moves in those places.

He says he's decided on 2020 but has provided no further details except that he'll make his plans known soon.

Wow. Thanks, Your Majesty, for thinking about telling us when you'll grace us with your presence. Is he playing hard to get? Unlike many people, I never got Beto, he's emo, I'm emo, there would just be an Abraham-Mary Todd melancholia meltdown if we stood too close to each other at a party. Let's see how his "Tour" has been going, that ought to be cheerful.


"Maybe I'd been hoping for some kind of connection that day and hadn't found it," he wrote in one of those diary posts, from Ulysses, Kan. "I called Amy. Kids were in the car, she was a little distracted, we didn't connect either. Maybe you could meet people at a bar she said as we hung up."

The Beto Diaries. Again.

Okay, BETO, you and your oversharing of melancholic self searching emo crises of connectivity are making me impatient. Pretty fucking sure I'm reading that your wife was busy taking care of everything while you sat around Holden Caulfielding and being super emo. (This is my opinion.) [It is also the editrix's opinion. -- Editrix]

"Maybe you could meet people at a bar…" Fuck it. Not our business.

What is our business is the fact that if any of the women campaigning wrote the stuff Beto writes and behaved as he does, they would not be running for president for long. Harris gets slammed for eating hot sauce, Klobuchar is a meanyface bad boss lady, Warren got a self owning DNA test, and Gillibrand is a reverse Elsa from Frozen and loves open border MS-13 Caravan Murderers. What if Beto ate hot sauce while taking a DNA test, yelling at his assistant Chad, and trying to abolish ICE? Nobody would give a shit or report on it unless it was to possibly congratulate him, or hold a parade in his honor ... because he's a white man. Okay, and "Kennedyesque."

Is Beto taking advantage of his privilege? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It seems that there are some women besides us who believe that Beto needs to do better.


Female Democratic strategists have grown increasingly frustrated as they've watched Mr. O'Rourke jump on his single-speed bike, read his emotional posts from his road trip and seen him slip into the premiere of a documentary about his Senate campaign.

Imagine, they say, if Beto were Betsy. What would the reception have been if a female candidate left her three small children home and spent several weeks traveling the country, posting stream-of-consciousness diary entries? Or if she chose to forgo a Senate race that would provide a greater opportunity for victory?

While we love all of our Dems EQUALLY, because we are UNBIASED, we are a bit concerned that perhaps one of our future presidential hopefuls may not be quite as ready for the challenge of a presidential campaign. But what the hell do we know? He might be the Bruce Wayne of politics, and this was just him being Christian Bale about life. When it comes to other hopeful, it seem to be a case of she is just too fucking awesome and should be Queen of Running America Right Now. If she wants to.

[ NBCNews/Axios/NYT/AP]

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!


Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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