And there were in the National Zoo pandas abiding in the panda enclosure, keeping watch over their food pellets by night. And, lo, their long hoped for libido came upon them, and Mei Xiang, at long last, started lookin' really fine to Tian Tian, and, the next morning, I'm afraid they were sore.
But fear not: for, behold, they brought us good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you was born July the ninth in the District of Columbia a Savior, which is Butterstick. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the cub on the pandacam, playing with a buttplug. Though, not in THAT way.
Glory to the Stick in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
That's what Stickmas is all about, Washington.
Enjoy the efforts of a Wonkette operative by clicking on the Stickmas Card, and head on out to the National Zoo website to get tickets for viewings through the end of January.— DCEIVER