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The Week In Garbage Humans: 'Trump Curse' Prevented Lindsey Vonn From Getting A Medal

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Given the events of the last week, I'm going to be steering clear of the usual manosphere forums I usually scan for this feature. I just... I can't. It's too sickening and too real, and I don't feel like making wisecracks right now about these people so close to seeing the real life consequences of their fucked-up belief system.


So, instead, we're gonna take a trip over to the equally toxic world of the r/The_Donald. Fun!

As you may know, some of the frothier Trump supporters are quite esoteric, believing that the Pepe the Frog is an avatar of the Egyptian god Kek, come to make Donald Trump GOD EMPEROR OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Or as they call him "GEOTUS." They hold many superstitions, one of which is the supposed "Trump curse," in which bad things happen to people who publicly disparage Donald Trump.

Thus, any time something bad happens to someone who has said something negative about Trump, they "reeeee!" with glee at seeing "proof" of the Trump curse in action. It is, they believe, the universe's way of making people understand that criticism of Trump is NOT ALLOWED.

The latest victim of this supposed curse, they claim, is Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn. According to the Trumpists, the reason she did not get a medal this year was because back in January, she told CNN's Alpine edge that she was not representing Trump in the Olympics.

"Well I hope to represent the people of the United States, not the president. I take the Olympics very seriously and what they mean and what they represent, what walking under our flag means in the opening ceremony. I want to represent our country well. I don't think that there are a lot of people currently in our government that do that."

There were at least three threads on the subject, though most of the comments were variations on the same theme -- that this should be a lesson to sports stars and celebs to NEVER say anything bad about their precious Trump. Or else they will get KARMA'D!

The geniuses were out on Twitter as well.

Vonn, however, is not too worried about them, or about their idiot curses.

It is also pretty unlikely that any other athletes or celebs are going to start being afraid of criticizing Trump because of some "curse" invented by his supporters.

Anyway! This is now your open thread! Beware of curses and maybe drop some cash in our tip jar?

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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