• Maybe the problem isn't too little Social Security. Maybe the problem is too much Medicare.

• Michael Barone: Director's Cut: "When I finish this column, I'm gonna go find an urchin to piss on."

• Seafood-loving humanitarian Mel Gibson sends a fax.

• Adult diaper or porn-caliber man-hose? Only Dick Cheney knows for sure.

• Removing Michael Moore's feeding tube: Seems like a good idea, but how will it play at the ballot box?

• Striped suit proliferation threatens world peace.