A few of the search strings that brought people here over the past week, and what we think they mean. Remember: Gossip is what people want to know more about.

• barack obama drug addiction: Give Alan Keyes's campaign manager a raise!

• jenna bush michael phelps: But he's not old enough to drink!

• Michelle Malkin gay marriage: Congratulations! Which one of you gets to wear the dress?

• Gang of 500: The Note is fucking Jessica Cutler. Obviously.