These Dickhead Karen Handel Videos Will Help You Decide To Vote For Jon Ossoff
Left: Asshole. Right: Adorable man with cute butt who deserves a seat in Congress.
Oh hey, Georgia's 6th congressional district! Are you feverishly excited for tomorrow's (Tuesday's) special election, but just can't decide whether you want to be represented by an incompetent asshole woman who got fired from a breast cancer foundation for trying to take breast cancer money away from Planned Parenthood, or a hot new guy who's nice and cute and good and didn't do that? Can't decide whether you want a congressperson who literally said with her mouth that she doesn't support people having a "livable wage," versus a congressperson who doesn't say disgusting shit like that? In that case, we have some videos to help you make your final decision!
You guys will enjoy this first video. It is an ad from the "Principled PAC," and it is almost as good as the earlier ad from the Congressional Leadership Fund that explained how Jon Ossoff is a gay homosexual Kathy Griffin Nancy Pelosi lesbian from San Francisco. This one is about how Jon Ossoff needs to stop murdering Rep. Steve Scalise, with votes:
Isn't that nice? It starts with an image of Rep. Steve Scalise being wheeled away after he was tragically shot last week. Now, you might think from watching this that Jon Ossoff fired the gun, but in fact he was campaigning in Georgia at the time. Nevertheless, it claims that "the unhinged left is endorsing and applauding shooting Republicans," which is just simply not true. Good liberals everywhere are hoping and praying for Scalise's speedy recovery, so he can go back to being a dick in the House of Representatives, hopefully as a colleague of Jon Ossoff.
The ad also shows Kathy Griffin with Donald Trump's styrofoam head in her hands, because oh boy, that artistic photograph has chapped wingnuts' asses almost as badly as Piss Christ. It then concludes that we must stop Jon Ossoff, in order to stop Nancy Pelosi, because apparently Nancy Pelosi is the greatest threat to the wealthy Atlanta suburbs that make up GA-06.
Ossoff has of course condemned the ad, saying "I can’t even think about the politics of it. You’ve got a national tragedy that’s united people. There are still people who are in critical condition. It’s got no place in an attack ad." Meanwhile the Handel campaign was like "OMG U GUYS THAT IS JUST SO BAD, Y'ALL SHOULD JUST STOP," except that while Handel's spokes-idiot called the ad "disturbing and disgusting," she did not call on the wingnut loser PAC to remove its shitty ad, because Republicans tend to split the difference when it comes to being decent fucking human beings.
As we implied in the headline, we have a second Karen Handel video, to help you vote for Jon Ossoff. This time, though, you can just listen to the candidate speak and recoil over what a dumb asshole she is. Handel is talking to a voter who "has the conservative nature," but also has a gay daughter who probably would like to adopt a kid some day, and she supports her kid. Handel, instead of acting like a human being, tells the woman that "my faith calls me to a different place on that issue," because apparently her faith is full of ignorant hatred. Of course, this is America, so Karen Handel is free to worship any petty loser god she wants, but should she really be in the House of Representatives?
You would think that video was from like 2006 or something, because who says that out loud anymore? And who says that out loud LAST THURSDAY? Well, Karen Handel does!
Handel adds that she is "compassionate" and tries to convince the woman to vote for her, because the Supreme Court has ruled on marriage equality anyway, and then she gets up and moves away, like she's scared that the mom of the gay daughter is going to get lesbian sauce all over her unattractive zipper blouse.
In order to cleanse your soul from watching that last video, here is Jon Ossoff speaking at the beginning of the Atlanta Equality March last week:
Anyway, these videos are just very good ads for Jon Ossoff. The latest polls show him a point or three ahead of Karen Handel, but that only matters if people SHOW. THE. FUCK. UP. So get the hell out there and vote, Atlanta suburbs! Otherwise you'll have to deal with having that gross bigot lady representing you in Congress, and you don't want that.
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Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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