They Gave Us Head (Second in a Series)

At this point, the campaigns are putting the interns on TV. Among the surrogates, who counts and who's just a placeholder? Wonkette presents a field guide to the spinmeisters. In this issue: Ed Gillespie, Terry Holt Al Sharpton, Terry McAuliffe.


Head: Ed Gillespie, chinless wonder

Plays for: Bush-Cheney, RNC chair

Is on TV Because: Not having a chin is really more of a problem for candidates, not surrogates

Specialty: Gamely appearing to recite talking points anywhere there's a big enough audience, including TRL.

Distinguishing Characteristic: We really are sort of stuck on the chin thing, but we also like his school-girl titter.

In One Month Is Likely to Be . . . Sucking up to Jack Quinn for a full-share of the year-end bonus.

Head: Terry Holt

Plays for: Bush-Cheney, RNC something or other

Is on TV Because: Judge rejected booker's restraining order

Specialty: The cable version of the full Ginsburg

Distinguishing Characteristic: Uhm, which one is he again?

In One Month Is Likely to Be . . . He plays for the St. Louis Rams, right?

Head: Al Sharpton, professional black person

Plays for: Kerry-Edwards

Is on TV Because: The black thing. Can talk rings around Rather.

Specialty: Creating elaborate metaphors for voter disenfranchisement.

Distinguishing Characteristic: Bitch-slapped Bumiller, makes Jesse Jackson seem subdued.

In One Month Is Likely to Be . . . Pitching second reality show.

Head: Terry McAuliffe, "The Macker"

Plays for: Kerry-Edwards, DNC chair

Is on TV Because: Lockhart unavailable.

Specialty: Openly bragging about the size of his database, mentioning the 200 mill he's raised in answer to question about, well, anything.

Distinguishing Characteristic: Uh, he raised 200 mill...did you get that? It's a 2 with 8 zeros after it . . . Also, secretly wishes he were Puff Daddy.

In One Month Is Likely to Be . . . Cutting first album.


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