Think Your Book Is So Great, John Bolton? Well, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Wrote Book OF YOU!

White House

Donald Trump and his loyalists are trying so hard to push back against John Bolton, now that his book thing has leaked out to the whole world and we all know a few more fly-on-the-wall details about what a dumbass criminal Trump really is. But if John Bolton feels a sinister wind flowing through his mustache, it is probably because Sarah Huckabee Sanders also too wrote "book," and it says things about John Bolton!


OK fine, Sarah Hucksterbee Sanders, what does your book say?

Bolton was a classic case of a senior White House official drunk on power, who had forgotten that nobody elected him to anything.

Oh golly. And how did that manifest?

WELL, according to Axios, Sanders said one time Bolton was supposed to "wait" to go somewhere, but he wouldn't because here's why, what a dick:

"Bolton apparently felt too important to travel with the rest of us," Sanders writes. "As we were ready to depart for the Winfield House," the U.S. ambassador's residence in London, "we loaded onto a small black bus."

Yeah? And then the murders began? John Bolton wrapped his mustache around the black bus and tied it in a knot and everybody was trapped on the bus and then they died of being violently constricted by mustache?

"We waited and watched as Bolton sped by and left us in the dust. The discussion on the bus quickly moved ... to how arrogant and selfish Bolton could be, not just in this moment but on a regular basis."

OK wow. So they were on the black bus, and they all were like "fuck John Bolton, what a asshole, he was supposed to WAIT but then he LEFT." Huckasanders adds that it would have been fine if Steven Mnuchin got his own motorcade or something, Mnuchin deserves nice things, but Mnuchin didn't do that, Mnuchin was a good friend and rode with the group.

"If anyone on the team should have merited a motorcade it was [Treasury Secretary] Mnuchin, but he was a team player and didn't seem to mind traveling with the rest of us."

This is a very good story, we bet she is getting to the good part, very soon.

What happened next?

"When we finally arrived at the Winfield House, [chief of staff] Mick Mulvaney, typically laid-back and not one to get caught up in titles or seniority, confronted Bolton and unleashed a full Irish explosion on him."

An IRISH EXPLOSION! Which is different from other kinds of explosions, because of how it just is.

"Let's face it, John," Mulvaney said, according to Sanders. "You're a f—— self-righteous, self-centered son of a b——!'"

Uh oh, Mulvaney said cusses! That must be what she meant by "Irish explosion"!

Explain why Mick Mulvaney said cusses, because that is definitely something that merits a long explanation beyond "Mick was mad."

"That epithet ... was the culmination of months of Bolton thinking he was more important and could play by a different set of rules than the rest of the team. ... Bolton backed down and stormed off."

Mick Mulvaney's CUSSING IRISH 'SPLOSION was a long time comin', we think we hear Sarah Huckabee Sanders saying! Because he was so mad at John Bolton, about carpool arrangements!

You might think there's more to the story, but if there is, Axios is hiding it, probably because we gotta save something for the book. Maybe there is a sex scene or something. An angry IRISH EXPLOSION sex scene.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a bad writer and a bad person. John Bolton, meanwhile, just fuckin' sucks.

WONKETTE REVIEW OF BOOK WE WILL NEVER READ: No points awarded, delete all your accounts.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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