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Thinkers Declare All Good Things To Be Unconstitutional

Wonkabout

Monday, December 7: A never before seen event: a Democrat will say mean things about Republicans, today, in real life. House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer will explain why he thinks Conservatives are to blame for every single problem in America. [Center for American Progress Action Fund]


  • Tuesday, December 8: Perhaps too excited for the future, The Brookings Institution looks at teleportation and hovercrafts as possible forms of alternative transportation. [Brookings Institution]
  • Wednesday, December 9: The US Institute of Peace asks thousands of questions about how to engage with Somalia, as it seems that no one has ever asked any questions about the lost country except for, "Why do you keep stealing people?" [US Institute of Peace]
  • Wednesday, December 9: Congress can't make everyone buy a Buick, so naturally requiring everyone to have health insurance is wrong, evil, terrible, and unconstitutional. Such is health care reform according to the Heritage Foundation. [Heritage Foundation]
  • Wednesday, December 9: The CATO Institute tells Latin America to be more American than Latin if it ever wants to be a viable part of the West. [Cato Institute]
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Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug ... He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.

Yr Wonkette is no stranger to the double-edged weapon of sarcasm, we'll admit. OR WILL WE? It's part of our postmodern toolkit, with which we seek to undermine patriotism, faith, the free market, the family, and ultimately America itself. Duh. But we would never be so naive as to think we have a monopoly on irony and sarcasm, oh no, far from it. This week, we dip into the sludge of deletia for some brilliant examples of cutting rightwing wit turned back on us, with devastating results. Hope you're not all TRIGGERED so much you have to go find a SAFE SPACE, libs!

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This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

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