NewsJune 29, 2009 01:01 PM
Thinking Is For Losers
- Here's your weekly think tank event roundup:
- Tuesday, June 30: Some folks at the Woodrow Wilson Center are curious about what exactly the Iranian presidential elections tell us. Well, we’re not sure the best way to phrase this, but MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD. All news attention and all tweets must be focused on his passing and what this means for man kind as we know it. Caring about freedom and democracy is so last week. If you're actually still curious about Iran, check out this event Tuesday at noon.
- Tuesday, June 30: Even though Pig AIDS was labeled a pandemic, no one really gives a hoot about it anymore. Recognizing this, and that precious dollars may be allocated elsewhere, CSIS on Tuesday at 11:30AM is explaining how we can even begin to try to "live in a world" infested with Pig AIDS. Masks? Check? Vaccines? Check. Unnecessary amounts of paranoia? Check, check. Scare tactics really are the best, and only way it seems, to accomplish anything in Washington.
- Tuesday, June 30: It's story time at the Heritage Foundation! Thursday at noon, enjoy a discussion about a scandalous, intense, and possibly homoerotic coming of age tale about the relationship between William F. Buckley Jr. and author Richard Brookhiser. Brookhiser explains what it was like to be completely fucked by the man who was supposed to be his mentor, and details how he continues to revere him in spite of their differences.
- Wednesday, July 1: It seems that everyone these days is worried about how to prevent "catastrophic terrorism," but could care less about plain old terrorism. The Stanley Foundation is hosting a lunchtime event on Wednesday about the catastrophic kind, and we can't quite figure out if they realize that they're basically insinuating that less destructive acts of terror are just peachy keen! Bring 'em on!
- Thursday, July 2: The American Enterprise Institute is kind of obsessed with what happens if a terrible terrorist attack happens, and every single person in line to succeed the president DIES. Then can Dick Cheney come back? Pretty please? During a three-hour 9:00AM-Noon special meeting to examine presidential succession, SEVEN specific recommendations will be offered about how to improve the current process. Thank god, because we were worried that they might actually be thinking about something substantial.