This $100,000 Chicken Coop Will Win You A 'First Place' Against 'The Wall' When 'The Revolution' 'Comes'


It's that time of year again! Time for the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Christmas Book of Charming Gifts for the guy at Papa Johns! Can you stand the excitement? Neither can we! But while there are plenty of stupid ways to blow the greasy wads of cash that have turned you from human being to Donald Trump, only one really stands out for its gobsmacking lack of humanity and empathy and realization that there are units we call "people" who roam the earth, the kind that says FUCK THEM, YOU MADE IT! Let us find out what it is, together! (Hint: It is a $100,000 chicken coop, like it says in the headline, and also that picture.)

Here is the "broody room," whence you shall collect your chickens' fresh gifts to you, their lord and lady, while you are playing "Marie Antoinette among the milkmaids." The Rembrandt (we believe? It is ever so long since our Art Criticking days) does not come with the coop, but rather you have to buy your own chicken coop Rembrandt. GYP! (Saying "gyp" is racist, but come on, have you ever met a Gypsy? Damn.)

Is that the chicken coop chandelier, in the library? Yessirree Donald! But what about all the people who don't live as well as your chickens, and we are not talking about sub-Saharan African people not living as well as your chickens, but, like, AMERICANS not living as well as your chickens? Do not worry, they have Obamaphones.

Oooh, look, fuzzy tiny baby chicks! Aw! Everybody loves fuzzy tiny baby chicks! Now nobody can blame you for buying a $100,000 chicken Versailles while people still don't have power from Hurricane Sandy! We are powerless against baby chicks! MORE REMBRANDTS FOR THE BABY CHICKS!

If you wanted to buy us this trailer full of Bulleit, however, that would be something else entirely. Or you could head over to the Wonkette Bazaar. Soon it will have underwear and cups.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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If you want to take the pulse of the nation, with regards to feminism and how people feel about it, who do you go to? Well, if you are Brian Kilmeade of Fox News, you go to Tomi Lahren. Last night, these two geniuses discussed a recent poll conducted by Refinery29 and CBS News showing that only 46% of millennial women consider themselves feminists. Tomi Lahren knows why that is, and it's because feminists refuse to embrace Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Obviously.

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It's still Omarosa week! Aren't you glad it's still Omarosa week and that we still get to talk about Omarosa a lot more????


OK, us neither. There are a couple things we need to point out though. One is that the Trump campaign's lawsuit against Omarosa for breaking the terms of an unenforceable nondisclosure agreement is HORSESHIT. We'll lawsplain that at you later today. Another is that it really is super fucked up, and entirely expected, that Trump called Omarosa a "dog." He probably wanted to call her a bitch and thinks he behaved himself by using the word "dog." Sarah Huckabee Sanders cannot guarantee we will never hear the president on tape using the N-word, because she absolutely knows it almost 100% certainly happened.

Those are some things about our current Week Of Omarosa.

But wait, here's another thing!

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