This Is Stupid Watergate. Wonkagenda For Fri., April 13, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

According to Magic Hailbeanman, Trump's lawyers were trying to iron out the details for an interview between Trump and Robert Mueller's team, but they got spooked when Michael Cohen was raided by the FBI. Now Mueller's team is moving ahead without the interview, suggesting there may be enough evidence to call out three (or maybe four! or 17!) separate instances where Trump obstructed justice. Like we didn't know.

Michael Cohen used to tape conversations, WaPo reports, and that has many in Trump world pissing themselves like hookers in a Moscow hotel.

Yesterday, Rod Rosenstein was summoned to Trump's golden throne for a curious chat. This comes amid a growing cacophony of yodels from the right-wing echo chamber to "You're Fired" Rosenstein, and kill the Trump-Russia probe.

Now that he's skull-fucked what's left of America's breadbasket, Trump is thinking about rejoining the TPP after finding out that his bilateral trade idea was fucking stupid, and the US can't "win" a trade war against China. (#ProTip: He can't rejoin the TPP.)

A Depression-era program is being considered by Trump officials to offset the catastro-fuck faced by American farmers if Trump continues his trade war.

Trump has ordered Steve Mnuchin to head a task force to review the business practices of the US Postal Service "to prevent a taxpayer-funded bailout." Obviously, this is just Trump throwing another tantrum about Amazon.

Mick Mulvaney is expected to cut open the omnibus spending bill around May 1, that way Trump can start gutting the parts of the bill that help Democrats.

James Comey's tell-all spilled out into the ether last night and, LORDY is it rich! Comey talks about Trump being pissed about the pee hookers, insisting that it wasn't true, and likening Trump to a mob boss with his loyalty oaths and "us-versus-them worldview." The book touches on a number of subjects, including Loretta Lynch, Hillary Clinton, Jeff Sessions being a pussy, the size of Trump's hands, and how the Trump team curiously tried to "spin" revelations of Russian fuckery to their advantage.

Dick Cheney's lackey, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, is expected to get a presidential pardon by Trump. Though nobody is sure how/why Trump even knows who "Scooter" Libby is (he outed a CIA agent to get back at her diplomat husband) there's speculation that this is an attempt to knock James Comey and other speculation that this is a trial balloon to prove Americans don't care about perjury and obstruction of justice.

Things didn't go well at Mike Pompeo's confirmation hearing yesterday, with Democrats pressing Pompeo to show his true colors.

A federal judge has ruled that the Justice Department can't turn local cops into la migra in order to get federal funding to stop taco trucks from appearing on every corner.

Pasquale “Nino” Perrotta, the security chief of EPA head Scott Pruitt, is drawing the scrutiny of Congress after reports that "Nino" threatens and harasses staffers who criticize Pruitt, like the "You're Fired" staffer who didn't want to buy Pruitt's "favored staffer" first class flights.

Before being grilled by Elizabeth Warren all morning for his constant poor-fucking at the CFPB, Mick Mulvaney told the congressional banking committees that he only had to be there by statute, and didn't have to answer any questions. Later, Mulvaney went back to his office and bitched out his staff for "undermining [his] leadership." Fucking crybaby.

Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao got chewed out by the Republican chairman of the House Appropriations Committee for the Trump administration's stalling of a badly needed tunnel linking New York and New Jersey.

Republicans in fly-over country are freaking out this morning as party leaders push incumbents to get off their asses and get some campaign cash before it's too late.

Oklahoma teachers have ended their strike after the Republican-led legislature caved, agreeing to give teachers a roughly $6,000 raise, and $500 million in education funding. [Archive]

Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey says he'll give in to the demands of teachers threatening a walk-out, but the teachers are calling bullshit on the governor's proposal, demanding actual legislation before they call off their planned strike.

As Trump twiddles his thumbs on Twitter, British Prime Minister Theresa May says it's "vital" to respond to Syria's chemical weapons attacks on civilians.

Attorneys for Michael Cohen are trying to stall litigation on the Stormy Daniels case, and now say that Cohen may invoke the Fifth Amendment. LOCK HIM UP!

Reporter April Ryan says that she's received death threats for asking Sarah Huckabee Sanders hard questions, and shaking her head at Sean Spicer. [Video]

The "alt-right" (white supremacists) have embraced a former conspiracy-peddling gossip columnist as their new aryan queen. Maybe she can tell us who's cucking who?

Internal emails and communiques from Facebook show that the deplorable duo of Internet talking heads known as Diamond and Silk are full of shit; their "censorship" was for violations of rules regarding clickbait and money fuckery -- and their dumb videos are still shown to more people than Rachel Maddow's are -- and she's got six times their Facebook fans.

Comic book nerds are scared that Stan Lee may have been kidnapped by evil mind-controlling super villains trying to steal his fortune. SERIOUSLY!

The CEO of Backpage has pleaded guilty to charges of money laundering and conspiracy to facilitate prostitution in three states(!), and has agreed to flip on other executives.

And here's your morning Nice Time! A BABY BABIRUSA PIGGY!

DO YOUR GOOD FOR THE DAY and buy us a cup of coffee, a beer, or a sandwich! We'll love you forever, from the pits of our stomachs to the bottoms of our hearts.

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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