This Is What Salvation Must Be Like, After a While
Bird-Pig-Mexican Flu! Oh Mayan God of Horror, we are all going to die from this fucking Mexican flu, like it wasn't bad enough that we lost 40% on our investments since last year, and our houses are worth negative-nothing-infinity, if we even have houses, which we don't, because come on that was the Death Seed in the Uterus of this Whole Global Depression, so FUCK YOU INDIANA JONES AND THE SECRET FLU OF THE NASAL PASSAGES OF THE SECRET CRYSTAL TAMIFLU SKULL. [ Washington Post ]
That's about it, as far as what's going on. What will you do today? Weep at home or weep at the CVS, with your face masks, at checkout, while some transvestite crack whore just cold starts SNEEZING all over your mouth-parts? [ Death ]
Seriously, do you skip work? Keep the kids home? Day Care Is Filled With Mexi-Germs . [ Slow, Annoying Death ]
Those real-life hobbits found in Indonesia are confusing everybody, except for the editors of the New York Times opinion page, who hired beautiful-blonde-fearing neck-bearded actual hobbit Ross Douthat as Bill Kristol's replacement. Ross hearts, uhm, Dick Cheney .... Sure, whatever, 800 words. [ New York Times / New York Times ]
The World Health Organization goes to Level Four Freakout, as the Flu Pandemic inches closer to officially becoming a Flu Pandemic. [ True/Slant ]
Some NYC factotum named "Mark Mungos" must be fired for letting those military jets dive-bomb Manhattan for a photo op. [ The Awl ]
NO WAIT, some White House factotum named "Louis Caldera" must be fired for letting those military jets dive-bomb Manhattan for a photo op. [ Gawker ]