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The moment you became straight


Are you so gay right now? Thank God, you have come to the right place to get that fixed!

MassResistance is one of the weirdest anti-gay hate groups out there. What it lacks in influence, it makes up in silliness. The group considered the Obama administration's push to curb anti-gay violence around the world "cultural terrorism." Its leader, Brian Camenker, believes gay-bashing victims only get bashed because they're asking for it by being flagrantly gay, and he also believes gay people are bad at sports because gays don't have the "stability" or "alertness" to be good at sports.

Also, MassResistance just released a 600-PAGE book about the joy of gay sex how gay sex is dirty and bad and EWWWWWW GROSS, so it's not like they're fixated or anything.

Media Matters reports that MassResistance just had a conference on "Countering the LGBT Agenda," and we think you'll agree that if nothing has convinced you to wash that dick right outta your hair yet (or the lady parts, if you are a lez), this video, which the emcee introduces as a "song thing," will do the trick. It is interpretive dance! There is a rainbow flag! Oh just watch, you silly gay homosexual:

Are you unable to watch the video? That's OK, because we made you a .gif of the most important, life-changing moment. It comes at 1:28, when, the ARTIST!, after some general gay-flitting around with the pretty rainbow flag with Jesus-y music playing about how "love keeps no record of wrong," does this:

THAT IS THE SHIT RIGHT THERE. IT IS "LET IT GO" FOR THE "EX-GAY" CROWD!

No, literally, the first words of the chorus are "Let it go." We cannot make this shit up.

To be fair, we can see how that would ward the gay demons away.

You could watch the full video, but that moment at 1:28 is definitely the premature climax. The rest of it is kind of ...

The song is by a Christian singer named Matthew West, who seems to do some very catchy Jesus music, the kind that sounds like a soundtrack for a night of sexxxy romance with the Messiah. We do not know whether or not West signed off on having his music used for this, which we can only describe as "color-guarding away the gay." It works, though. Obviously.

Now go forth and enjoy your newfound heterosexuality. Just be glad you didn't have to spend all your money on a conversation therapy camp where they de-gay you by forcing you to fondle horses. That is definitely a scam, unlike this, which is legit.

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[Media Matters]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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