Thursdays with Tina: We're Back Edition

You thought I'd forgotten about you, didn't you?




TinaSpeakWhat it means
The best thing about Richard Clarke's testimony was that we were finally shocked by something important instead of pretending to be shocked by something ridiculous.Here is the premise of my column: Celebrity culture is sort of superficial Also: I am tired of faking orgasms.
The Clarke Chronology was a sonic boom that will go on reverberating through the op-ed classes. . . .'The Clarke Chronology' -- it's by the guy who wrote '2001,' right? This must have something to do with that Mars mission. . .
. . .whether or not the Clarke Apology to the 9/11 family moves the polls.OK, scratch all that. I'm pretty sure this Clarke guy is running for president.
Who, in the end, can relate to the date-rape complications of a zillionaire basketball giant, the financial finaglings of a domestic dominatrix-tycoon, or the alleged pedophilia of a loony recording legend who makes his face like Joan Crawford and maintains a zoo?I have just composed the world's longest rhetorical question.
For news junkies numbed by the freak shows of celebrity justice, the Clarke story has been bracing. I am determined to repeat the slender premise of this column in every single sentence.
[Paul O'Neill] never lost the aroma of the boardroom.I call it "Eau de Weinstein."

Every office has someone like him, a supercompetent guy whose big, square, argumentative head you learn to dread when it appears around the door announcing bad news.Fuck Harvey.
Thirty years of turf wars and PowerPoint strategizing served Clarke well. . . . My knowledge of the history of technology is as extensive as my knowledge of American government. Note to editors: Come on, I dare you.
Who knew this off-the-radar guy would turn out to be such a star.I have to constantly repeat the premise of this column. How did it go again? Oh yes: The celebrity culture maybe is not quite so real.
The Bushies clearly didn't. Or else they might have paused before demoting him and cutting him loose.Yes, I know Clarke resigned and wasn't actually 'cut loose' by anyone. Note to editors: Ha!
It's his Tom Clancy quality that gives Clarke dramatic resonance. . . . (In the movie version Clarke would be played by Gene Hackman or Robert Duvall.)Celebrity culture is shallow. But it often helps to think of political events in terms of celebrity and tawdriness.
The Condi Rice hearings will supplant Clarke in sex appeal. The new story line of 'Bush's best girl in trouble' has too much of a sweeps week flavor not to win the next round.Tell you what: Let's just consider the original premise of the column an April Fool's gag. Note to editors: . . . Hello? Editors? I know I left you somewhere. . .

The Story That Puts Other 'News' In Perspective [WP]


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