Thus Speaks Fitzgerald
I can appreciate Patrick Fitzgerald's by-the-book, just-the-facts approach to this press conference. But the thought occurs -- what would it be like to have this guy as a dad?
Scooter. On June 12. 2003. You told mom. That the dinner plates. Had been washed. That the gravy stain. Easily removed. Remained. Owing to. A mechanical defect. In the washing machine. However. Subsequent sources. Have told this kitchen. That these plates. Said to have been washed. Were found on the shelf. Three days prior. And while witnesses. Can attest. That you were seen. Doing dishes. On June 12. Others have testified. That on your last turn. On June 8. Though you cleared the dishes. But that the washer. Was not run. This alleges. That you did not. Run The washer. But rather. Placed the plates. On the shelf. And then watched. According To Jim. Furthermore. Your mother reminds me. That on June 8. She served a meal. That included gravy. Specifically an au jus. It was a French Dip. I enjoyed it with some pringles. And a Coors. The Coors was lukewarm. The French Dip. Was tasty. I remember enjoying the gravy. And sloshing it on my plate. Creating a stain. I'd like to thank. The entire family. My wife. Your brothers and sisters. For helping with this investigation. I would have liked. To have it done. By the time. Without a Trace came on. I like Without a Trace. It's okay. I TiVoed it. These are serious charges. I look forward to finding the truth. Now play ball.