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Tim Pawlenty Hopes His Wife Arouses Iowa Voters

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Tim Pawlenty's wife Mary just discovered yet another reason out of a presumably infinite list why it would suck to be married to someone running two years early for a 2012 presidential nomination: because your husband will begin all of his stump speeches by extolling you as an object of sexual desire. Then you will have to step up before the hooting crowd, smile prettily, and say, "Yes, I am quite comely, am I not? I hope to feature in your erotic reveries, tonight!" All so your husband might someday have a shot at getting his paws on the nuclear launch codes. America is vulgar and gross, is what we are trying to say.


The New York Times' strict objectivity prevented it from using the word "distasteful" in the following description:

For this loyal Republican crowd, the setting was a familiar one. The opening line was not.

"I'm very thankful for my red-hot smoking wife, the first lady of Minnesota," said Gov. Tim Pawlenty, pointing to his wife, Mary, who was standing a few feet away.

As the audience roared, she said with a smile: "Who, when they're turning 50, doesn't like to be called a red-hot smoking wife?"

But Mary Pawlenty's hotness was not the sum total of her husband's pitch to Iowans! No, there's also the fact that Pawlenty is familiar to these midwestern farm folk due to the physical proximity of his state to theirs. This raises an important political/theological question: in extolling his wife's sex appeal, is Pawlenty encouraging his Iowa neighbors to violate the 10th commandment's rule against coveting one's neighbor's wife? He might as well have put poor Mary atop a golden calf and ordered the Iowans to worship it!

If Mary Pawlenty has one consolation, it's that the masturbatory fantasies that the Iowans indulged in later were presumably quite courtly, due to the traditional Real American values they hold, and were nothing like the awful scenarios the Hell's Angels dreamed up about Cindy McCain. [NYT]

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Just this past week, US News ranked Alabama 49th in the nation for education, with the lowest overall reading and math scores. They probably would have ranked 50th, but there was no data for their high school graduation rates.

The five states ranked best in the country for education were Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Connecticut, in that order.

Also, this week, the Alabama House passed a bill that would make it a punishable crime for doctors to refuse to treat babies "born alive" after abortion.

HB 491 reads:

If a child is born alive following an abortion or attempted abortion, the physician who performed the abortion or attempted the abortion shall exercise the same degree of professional skill, care, and diligence to preserve the life and health of the child as a reasonably diligent and conscientious physician would render to any other child born alive at the same gestational age. Failure to do so is a Class 23 B felony and is punishable by not less than 20 years in state prison and a fine of not less than one hundred thousand dollars ($100,000).

More than 90 percent of abortions occur before 13 weeks. Only 1.3 percent of abortions occur after 21 weeks. The current law in Alabama -- not the horrorshow that just passed -- prohibits abortion after 23 weeks. Premature births at 22 weeks have a 0-3 percent survival rate, and premature "births" at 21 weeks have a survival rate of 0 percent.

There are not babies being "born alive" after abortions and then left to die because no one wants them. That's not a damn thing, and even when pressed, Alabama Republicans could not come up with a single example of this having happened. They just feel in their hearts that it does.

What can happen, rarely, is a medical situation where doctors must induce labor because the mother's life is at risk. In these cases, the children are wanted, but do not always survive because -- as mentioned just one paragraph ago -- the survival rates on premature babies are not great. That being said, federal law states that as soon as someone is born, they're a person, and therefore entitled to all rights thereof. One of those rights is that no one can kill you, legally. Doctors have an obligation to save lives, but when there is a situation—regardless of how old the person is!!!—where the patient has no chance of survival, the next of kin is given the option to continue or not continue with life-saving efforts. That is how things work.

It's almost as if there is some kind of connection between passing a law this stupid and having the worst reading comprehension skills in the nation.

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Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

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