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Tim Pawlenty To Attract Voters With Yosemite Sam Voice

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Tim Pawlenty has been running for president for years now; yesterday, he made it official in a video that utilized quick cuts and a shaking camera so you couldn't put your finger on exactly how boring he is. This man will really have to do anything to make himself seem interesting, and in Iowa, he may have figured out one solution: to speak in a rootin' tootin' non-Minnesota accent that sounds like it comes from a cartoon. "Weh have the firsst and only gov'ment shutdown in the hundred an' fiftee year hist'ry of mah state, on mah watch," said Pawlenty, shooting both of his guns in the air, smashing a bottle of whiskey on the pianey, and buying a slave with the change left over from his bar tab.


"I say, I say, that walleye hotdish Mrs. Ericsson made for the Lutheran church potluck was great washed down with pop, I say, I say." [Minnesota Public Radio]

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How can people be THIS BAD at their jobs?!?!? Did the State Department's social media team really schedule a live discussion of "traveling with kids" while the media is showing babies snatched at the border and imprisoned in cages?

OH. MY. GOD.

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