TIME: "Stop, Hammer"
Our deepest condolences to Tom DeLay, who ended the portion of his political career that relied on convincing people to vote for him in order to embark on that much more lucrative portion in which he just makes a shitload of money and exercises roughly the same amount of power and influence (depending, of course, on his legal situation -- but we don't think a little jail time will really stop the checks from flowing in for work in defense of Christianity).
Yeah, we'll miss the old bastard -- he knew how to be a majority leader, dammit. It's about taking the R.J. Reynolds corporate jet to your arraignment and not giving a shit, not being famous for your goddamn tan like some dimestore George Hamilton. It's about multiple admonishments from the House ethics committee, comparing yourself to Jesus, flashing a shit-eating grin in your mugshot, money-laundering, calling for violent retribution against activist judges, and contacting six federal agencies to trail Texas Democrats! Boehner -- you have some mighty big shoes to fill. And Tom -- we'll miss you. We hope you keep up the shamelessness, wherever you end up.
Asked if he had done anything illegal or unethical in public office, DeLay replied curtly, "No." Asked if he'd done anything immoral, he said with a laugh, "We're all sinners."
Oh, we could parse that "we" (Republicans? Congressmen? House Majority Leaders? Texans? Members of the DeLay family?), but we'd rather just accept it in the spirit in which it was offered. Tom, from those of us equally proud of being sinners, we thank you. While you were running things around here we laughed a little, we cried a little, and we learned a lot.
All that said, we're still pretty relieved that not armed.