You make us think, you make us snicker, you make us snort our coffee... and occasionally one of you inspires us to utilize that much-feared ban button. We don't always want to, but sometimes, you know, tough love is required. But, to assist in avoiding our generally alcohol-inspired purges (and by long-ago request) we present a couple of guidelines for commenters after the jump.
- Complimenting the editors will never get you banned.
- Writing posts entirely in capital letters will always get you banned.
- Unless you are Commenter General Nick Farr (or funny, or relevant, or saying something really smart your editors wish they'd thought of first), writing comments that are significantly longer than the actual post may get you banned if you are a consistent long-poster. Women may openly mock the men that, uh, cut their jokes short but they bitch to their friends about they guys who, you know, can't shut up once they stopped being, um, funny.
- Bringing The Crazy to the comment threads will result in immediate dismissal.
- Engagement and debate among commenters is welcomed and encouraged. When that disagreement results in unfunny and nasty insults, we are likely to become bored with you.
- Paultards like Proud Paultard are welcome. The rest of the Paultards can please go away and leave us alone and quit posting like this is some message board to get supporters.
- Actually, anyone caught posting links to solicitations for money and stuff will be banned because it annoys us.
- Comments about people's looks are tolerated and even encouraged when they are funny or directed at really bad people. Commenters whose comments about people's looks (and whose comments in general) are limited to "Dur, she's not hot enough for me to fuck" are strongly encouraged to limit their commenting to Fleshbot or risk their commenting soul. It's boring, it's repetitive and, frankly, if we all wanted to know what some fat fuck who lives in his mom's basement with a permanently Cheetoh-stained miniature soldier standing at attention thinks of every woman on the planet, we'd read their blogs instead of the political news and gossip.
We hope this provides some clarity into the alcohol-, caffeine- and Adderall-addled minds of your editors. We additionally encourage you to utilize the new commenting features, if only because we were ordered to do so. If you have any problems, please email us and we'll try to help out.