Today In New York Post Journalism: Woman Has Gross Cellulite
The New York Post is so naughty, you guys! Naughty naughty New York Post! What have they done today? Oh, well, they have just taken a 23-year-old woman, one who maybe is unduly sexcited to be the glamorous younger other woman at the center of a disgraced politician's unending shame, and they have put her on the beach, and wetted her up, and then posted 23 of the most unflattering Hot Pixxx since that time your mom went to Glamour Shots. Also, she is from Indiana, and therefore her bathing suit is the worst. Guys, let's all laugh at the dumb fat slut!
Haw haw, dumb fat slut! You have bad fashion sense, and are dumb, fat and slutty!
First, you have cellulite. That means you are unfit for people to masturbate to you.
Second, you think you are sexy even though you have cellulite, and you are romping and frolicking like you don't even care. This means an automatic revocation of your birthright citizenship. Go to Italy or Cancun or some shit, where they like disgusting fatty dimpled skin on their "women."
Third, you have some fat on your belly, which is being pushed up and over the waistband of your terrible bathing suit, which really is terrible.
Fourth, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING THE NEW YORK POST IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
Fifth: Some shame might actually be in order when you are the glamorous younger other woman at the center of a MARRIED MAN's continuing disgrace, and maybe letting the New York Post sex you up to laugh at you maybe was not wisely decided, maybe give that some extra thought next time.
Sixth, also, and too: That pose with the shoes is seriously stupid, you are already wet. Did you take the wedgies swimming? Don't do that.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.