David Rees knows that you tentatively plan on touching yourself every time you see Sarah Palin on Fox News. David Rees, always judging! [True/Slant: David Rees]

Do not even think about inviting Roger Ailes to your kegger, unless you want to get punched in the dick, as is his wont. [The Plank]

The majority of law school graduates will never enter law/pay off their student loans, and as such, most experts agree they should be harvested for their tender meat. [Matt Yglesias]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUSH LIMBAUGH! Tonight we snort our Oxycontin in honor of you. [RedState]

Lou Dobbs stars as himself in the critically-acclaimed The Last Birther. [Think Progress]