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Todd Akin Explains 'Legitimate Rape' To Mike Huckabee With Wheelchairs And 9/11

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Yesterday, Rep. Todd Akin, who is the GOP nominee for the US Senate in Missouri, made a comment declaring thatwomen who experienced "legitimate rape" could not get pregnant.


Today, Man-Who-Used-To-Be-Skinny Mike Huckabee had Akin on his show to handhold him through a damage control interview. About two minutes in, Huckabee asks Akin if he meant "forcible rape" rather than "legitimate rape," which Akin flop-sweats into agreement with. (Why "forcible rape" changes the nature of the vagina, I do not know, but I am sadly not the expert that a sitting Congressman is.)

After a while, Huckabee asks Akin whether he expected more support through this tough time, and this is when Akin's Giuliani brain kicks in and goes buck fucking wild (starts at 8:08):

Well, I understand from watching other people who've made mistakes that, you know, nobody wants to own your mistake. And I don't think anybody should. And that's why I'm apologizing for what I did wrong. And so, on the other hand, there are certain basic principles that we believe in, and that I'm just completely committed to, and that is the fact that people and that life are teremendously valuable. That's what's made America such unique country -- it's because we believe that life is something that comes from our Creator. We're made in his image, and all across America you see Americans that have a respect for life. It's not a political debate, it's not words, it's how they live their lives.

I remember September 11th, the rescue workers running into the buildings that's about to collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair, pick em up - they don't check their IDs to see whether they're important or not  - they just take them to safety and run back for more. They by their lives speak as Americans of what we think about the value of human beings and how much respect we hold people with and also people who've been victimized, how we hurt with them and try to care for them and try to love them. And that's the very special thing about our country. That's what we have at risk right now. And that's what - we have to defend that.

Akin just wants to save babies from terror-rapists who, unlike real Americans, ASK FOR ID'S before saving you from burning buildings. Let's try to love and defend wheelchair fetuses, friends. Let's.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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