Tony Perkins Calls Anti-Discrimination Laws 'Religious Persecution' Because He Is A Terrible Person


Tony Perkins, head honcho at the Family Research Council, is a terrible human being. In fact, he may not be human. We are guessing he was projectile vomited from the rubbish-filled gut of a hate-filled demon and sent to earth to punish us for the amusement of the Greek gods, or something. What asinine hate-filled lies is he spewing now? After DOMA was repealed by SCOTUS, Perkins went on teevee to torture the eardrums of innocent Americans everywhere, saying:

"We're already seeing bakers and florists and photographers forced to participate in same-sex marriages under the threat of law and in some cases even jail."

Is that so, Mr. Perkins? Politifact decided to fact check you, because you are a known liar and bigot and awful demon-vomit life form. What did they find?

We didn't find cases where people were forced to participate against their will. However, if vendors refuse service, there are consequences. There are 21 states that forbid discrimination based on sexual orientation. Vendors who refuse service there could face legal actions and fines.

The "jail" part of Perkins’ claim is an exaggeration. We couldn’t find any evidence that a vendor had been sent to jail or that any legal authority had threatened jail time.

What is this country coming to when we think that discrimination is against the law? Can’t we go back to the good old days when businesses can refuse service to Irish Italians Catholics Jews Blacks Gays without Big Government trampling all over their freedom? This deserves a wonksplanation. 

Why is Tony Perkins whining, other than the fact that he is a giant crybaby who believes that if he doesn’t get his way he is being persecuted, just like Jesus on the cross except without the nails or the pain or the death but instead with the not getting everything he wants? In some places, gay people are getting married and want things like flowers and a cake. And in some places, like Sweet Cakes by Melissa in Gresham, Oregon, they get told things like, “they were abominations to the Lord.” The couple, being actual human beings with rights and stuff, decided that discrimination is a bad thing, and against the law, so they filed a lawsuit. BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND THIS IS HOW WE SOLVE DISPUTES. And Oregon is one of those states where you can't discriminate against gay people, because they are people, too.

Now the Christianist business owners all across the land are gnashing their teeth and crying jebus-tears over the fact that they have to make wedding cakes for lesbos and fags and “genderfluid” folks. It is religious persecution to make them follow the same laws as everyone else, because once you are washed in the blood of lambs you are magically exempt from laws that make you feel icky.

Also, we are just wondering if the owner of Sweet Cakes by Melissa did checks on all the hetero marriages they made cakes for. Were any of the participants murderers, child rapists, or Baptists? Did any wear garments of diverse sorts, such as wool and linen together? Did any eat bacon or ham? How about interracial couples? How closely do you really check to make sure no other abomination-type people eat of your purity-cakes? Or are you just using religion to provide cover for being a bigot?

Tony Perkins read that Politifact called him out for being a liar (which we are pretty sure is a sin, but who are we to judge) and immediately begged for forgiveness from the LGBT community. Haha, not really. Instead, he decided to whine some more, because, as we discussed above, when someone disagrees with you after you have been on your knees for jeezus (and had salvation explode all over your face), you are being persecuted for your faith (not for being a bigoted asshole). According to TruthWinsOut, he said (our bolding):

The media, in a desperate attempt to downplay the persecution Americans will face for opposing same-sex “marriage,” is resorting to lies from its own “fact-checkers.” They understand, as we do, that it’s harder to vilify someone when you see them suffering for living out their faith.  And for dozens of men and women, that suffering is taking place in the form of more than jail time. For them, the nightmare is already here in the form of thousands of dollars in fines, lawsuits, public humiliation, boycotts of their businesses, death threats, and vandalism of their property. This is the real intolerance. And one day, no amount of shoddy journalism will be able to hide it.

We want to focus on the bolded section. We have no problem with the fines, lawsuits, public humiliation, or boycotts. These all seem like perfectly reasonable reactions to businesses discriminating based on selective reading and selective interpretations of really old books, and breaking the law. In fact, we totally encourage all these things for businesses that don’t support our LGBTQMORELETTERS friends. We hope that Melissa never makes another sweet cake in her life. However, we are against things like threats and vandalism, because we are better than that, people.

And for fuck’s sake, can Christianists give up the persecution complex already. Being forced to follow the law is not religious persecution. Being boycotted is not religious persecution. Being sued is not religious persecution. As we have stated before, Christians make up 87% of Congress, and probably a similarly high percentage of state elected officials (we are too goddam angry/lazy/drunk to look that shit up). Not getting your way, and not being allowed to be an asshole to other human beings, is not persecution. Being allowed to worship freely, and even being able to spew your hate and ignorance on teevee and the radio and in books and in TAX-FREE churches is not the sign of a society that engages in religious persecution. Fucking get over yourselves already.

Also, too, we love how “fact-checkers” get the same scare quotes as “marriage.” It’s kinda what we need to do when we describe Tony Perkins as a “person.”


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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

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[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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