Larry Kudlow Says We Are In No Way Gonna Have a Recession Soon

It's Your Sunday Show Rundown!

After years of Trump coasting on the economy he inherited from the Obama Administration, the Dow Jones fell more than 800 points last Wednesday. Economic indicators from Germany, Trump's trade wars with China and others, Trump tax cuts for the rich and an inverted yield curve (which historically has been a warning sign of an impending recession) are combining into a bad sign for the "successful" "businessman" who's hitched his wagon so close to the economy. So much so that it prompted the White House to send out their economic duo of Larry Kudlow and Peter Navarro to every single Sunday show.

Let's first focus on chief economic advisor and world's saddest Penguin cosplayer, Larry Kudlow.


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Stock Market Sick Of Winning

Because you need a good tariffsplainer!

How many times during the 2016 election did Donald Trump promise that he would solve every complex, intractable problem very quickly with his bigly masculine hands? From the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to healthcare, from urban violence to Afghanistan, President Arty McDeals swore that he alone could fix it. Generations of presidents had failed because they were weak, but he was strong and virile, so world leaders would cower before him, and America would be respected again.

Only it didn't work out that way, because hard problems are actually hard. And nowhere was Trump's bombast more ridiculous than his vow to wipe out our trade deficit with China. Because Xi Jinping isn't some concrete contractor from Canarsie who's going to take an 80 percent haircut on his bill because he doesn't have a choice. He's the leader of the most populous country on the planet, which is the US's largest trading partner, and happens to own $1.2 trillion of US debt. He's got an iron grip on China's economy and its media. And there's no way on Mao's red earth that he's going to roll over because some orange-haired loon offers him "the most beautiful chocolate cake" at Mar-a-Lago while simultaneously threatening to destroy the Chinese economy.

The problem is, Donald Trump only has the one play. All he knows how to do is act like the craziest bastard in the room and keep upping the ante in hopes the other guy folds. Which is how we find ourselves here, with the stock market posting its worst day of the year yesterday after China devalued its currency and vowed to halt all American agricultural imports. And, okay, the stock market isn't a perfect heuristic for the wider economy, but a 767-point drop in the Dow is a pretty bad sign.

So, what exactly are we looking at here? Well ...

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Trump Just Taxed The Sh*t Out Of Your Tomatoes, Strawberries, And Cars

President Best Brain having syphillucinations again.

Trade wars are good, and easy to win! So easy that Donald Trump is launching another one with Mexico to deal with immigration. Last night, President Crazytweets announced that he's invoking the International Emergency Economic Powers Act to deal with our "illegal immigration crisis." Yeah, he's going to pull the fire alarm again to upend the entire US economy using a statute meant to grant the president extraordinary powers in a worldwide catastrophe. Having failed to make Mexico pay for WALL, Trump is now slapping punitive tariffs on all $346 billion of Mexican imports until Mexico does God only knows what to stop desperate Central American migrants from lawfully presenting themselves at the US border and begging for asylum. Good thing Franklin Graham has called a national day of prayer on Sunday to pray for this, our most godly president.

The PLAN, if indeed it can be called that, is to impose a five percent tariff on all Mexican imports beginning on June 10, escalating on the first of each subsequent month that Mexico fails to "STOP" Central American migration, capping out at 25 percent in October. Taken with our Chinese trade adventurism, by autumn, we could wind up with 25 percent tariffs on $1.25 trillion of goods from our first and third largest trading partners. And NO, China and Mexico will not be paying those tariffs, because STFU.

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Trade War

Trump To Give Farmers Another Twenty Or Fifty Bucks Each, NOW SHUT UP ABOUT IT

Sure hope China doesn't start subsidizing its industries, or this could get messy!

Donald Trump plans to spend another $16 billion to bail out farmers who have been hurt by Donald Trump's trade war with China, according to Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue. That's on top of the $12 billion bailout Trump already promised farmers last year. That seems like a really smart way to run a trade war: Raise prices on consumers, and then send taxpayer funds to pay off farmers who are losing business, so maybe they'll keep voting for Trump.

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