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Trillion-Dollar Greek Lotto Payout Approved by EU, World Economy Saved?

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  • Eh, all foreigners look alike.Racing to beat the Monday opening of world financial markets, European leaders decided, "Eh, how about a trillion dollars, would that work?" And then somebody screamed (in German), "IDIOT THIS IS ABOUT THE EURO." And then everybody was all, Right, Euros, that's kind of the problem, isn't it?" So, this 750-billion-Euro package of loans and guarantees plus $40 billion US from the IMF should, uh, put off "Acropolis Now" for who knows, maybe a couple of years. Please return to the Economic Recovery now, and pay no attention to the Greek Riots. You know how the Greeks are, so melodramatic and with the "cradle of democracy" and such. Minus Greece and, uh, all those scary computers and the permanently unemployed American underclass and the collapse of the basic system of Capitalism, things are fine! [Bloomberg/Reuters]
  • That "containment dome," which is actually a rectangular box, didn't stop the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico because of methane ice or something. The spill continues, with the oil slicks currently moving west instead of east. [Reuters/Globe and Mail]
  • Sexy single senior Mark Sanford was spotted in Florida celebrating Mothers Day with his Argentine Mistress. [Gawker]
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