Michael Fenter wasn’t down with President Barack Obamar’s socialistic jillion-dollar bailouts of the nation’s banks AT ALL. So one day the Seattle areaboat builder, farmer-man and hardcore Real American grabbed his gun, got into his Libertymobile and started robbing banks in Washington state and California -- to take the bailout money back. For a while there, he was really on a roll! But then America decided to punish him for expressing his love of country in this most eclectic manner.


Fenter pled guilty to robbing four banks plus possessing a firearm during a crime of violence, and will now do 10 years in a federal prison, reports the Seattle Times news-brochure. Nobody saw it coming! Nothing is a sure thing anymore, in America (it could be your husband next so GET DIVORCED while there's still time):

Fenter had no criminal record, no drug problem and no clear motive. In letters to the court, friends and family called him "honest," "gracious," "wholesome" and "gentle." They knew nothing of his secret life.

Would Fenter have developed this secret life had America elected fellow "true patriot" John McCain?

Upon his arrest, [Fenter] said his name was "Patrick Henry," a Revolutionary War-era governor famous for his "Give me liberty or give me death!" speech.

[...]

Fenter said robbing banks wasn't to get money for himself or his family. Instead, he did it because he was a "true patriot." The money, he said, went to fund that cause.

The sad irony is that in rebelling against the terrible government, Fenter became like the government -- taking people’s money and then becoming either unwilling or incapable of telling anyone else where the money had gone. But it’s being used in a “peaceful” way, that much he knows.

Poor fake-Patrick Henry’s wife says she had no idea that her husband had become a bank robber until it was too late, and is now trying to get her life back to normal. She had a rough winter and had to go on food stamps. It is very sad.

But not totally in vain! Michael Fenter’s story is a Teachable Moment for us all. Here are our two important takeaways:

  • If you are mad about government bailouts, do not rob banks! Express yourself in other ways, like performing stand-up comedy or through the textile arts.
  • Do not marry a “true patriot,” because they will probably let you down somehow, and then you’ll be left taking care of all the damn sheep, baaaa.

[Seattle Post-Intelligencer/Seattle Times]

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