We can't allow a dam gap

Here's your Conspiracy Theory o' the Day (or part of the day, considering how quickly these things are generated): One of Donald Trump's top foreign policy advisors, Joseph Schmitz, a lawyer and former inspector general at the Pentagon, served as co-counsel in a lawsuit last year aimed at keeping a Native American tribe from taking ownership of a dam in Montana. Sounds like your ordinary Western public-lands dispute until you learn the reason for trying to block the transfer of ownership. Schmitz's clients, Montana state Sen. Bob Keenan and former state Sen. Verdell Jackson, wanted to keep the Confederated Salish and Kootenai Tribes from taking over the former Kerr Dam because they feared the government of Turkey would somehow team up with the tribes to obtain nuclear materials for terrorists. You know, the way Native American tribes so often do.

We'll let Travis Gettys at RawStory do the heavy narrative lifting here, because we're having trouble stopping our eyes from rolling:

Schmitz, who’s an “insider” with the right-wing Newsmax website and senior fellow at the virulently anti-Islam Center for Security Policy, and fellow co-counsel Lawrence Kogan filed a lawsuit seeking to block the transfer — which they argued posed a national security threat from Turkey.

The attorneys claimed the dam transfer would allow the Turkish government and terrorists to obtain nuclear materials, although they were unable to provide any factual evidence of their claims.

There's a bit of a problem with that hypothesis, of course. While it's true that Turkey is just brimming with Muslims, it's not exactly a hotbed of Islamic terror, seeing as how it's part of NATO and is among the coalition of good guys fighting ISIS and all that. (Sure, it's not necessarily the most democratic government, either; no one's going to give their current government any human rights awards. Or poetry awards, either.)

The lawsuit contained one humdinger of a theory about the threat posed by the Salish-Kootenai ownership of a dam. In mere reality, the Turkish government and a group called the Turkish Coalition of America are seeking to establish business relations, especially in agriculture, with Native American tribes. Out of that mundane reality, the lawsuit spun some fanciful hypotheses, such as the threat that the Turks might be attempting "to more freely promote their brand of Islam on reservations and/or to pursue other potentially more dangerous activities," like obtaining yellowcake uranium for dirty bombs, maybe, since tribes have been actively working to clean up radioactive tailings from closed uranium mines. Or maybe the Turks would even try to do terrorism right in Montana:

"It is quite possible that the Turkish government, sponsored Turkish business enterprises, and affiliated terrorist groups or members may be seeking access to such expertise for possible acquisition and use of incendiary devices to compromise Kerr dam and/or other off-reservation targets," the lawsuit says.

The lawsuit didn't get very far; U.S. District Court Judge Rudolph Contreras practically laughed the thing out of court, referencing the brief's

“somewhat perplexing arguments regarding the Turkish Government’s involvement with Native Americans,” [and] concluding that “counsel for Plaintiffs conceded that no such evidence has been submitted relating to the Plaintiffs’ alleged economic harm.”

Schmitz and Kogan voluntarily withdrew the lawsuit last October and went back to their other important work. Schmitz writes wonderfully paranoid stuff at Newsmax (including a piece supporting the bizarre claim that anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist is a secret terrorist, and thus must be drummed out of the NRA. We are not making this up). And his buddy Kogan went back to work lawyering for the Citizens Equal Rights Alliance, an anti-tribal-rights crowd that seeks to ally itself with the larger movement to end federal ownership of western land and give it to the states. Eventually, all the conspiracies tie together.

So, there's one of Donald Trump's "foreign policy advisors." We think maybe Trump might have done better to simply keep getting his information from the Sunday talk shows.

[RawStory / AP / Last Real Indians / IREHR / IREHR again / Politico]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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