Trump Already An Old Man Yelling At His TV! Wonkagenda for Thursday, December 8, 2016

POTUS

Dominic Gwinn

December 08, 2016 09:44 AM

Morning Wonkers! Here's some of the things we might be talking about and 'splainering today!

Donald Trump got into a predictable Twitter war last night with the president of the union local at Carrier's Indianapolis plant, after Local 1999 president Chuck Jones called Trump a liar on several different teevee shows. And really, it's not like Trump has anything more important to do after he skips intel briefings while Pence picks his cabinet.

The inauguration might not be the gold-plated, grandiose affair that Donald Trump wants, since there are five different federal agencies in charge of security, including the D.C. Metropolitan Police Department, but don't worry: those bureaucrats won't stop him from making a presidential inauguration all about himself.

Donald Trump and his spawn are plotting to maintain control over their business, despite all the bigly tweets and "promises" that they'll divest.

A federal judge has reversed his own ruling ordering a recount in Michigan after being pressured by Trumpkin lawyers who won an appeal on the grounds that Jill Stein wasn't an "aggrieved person", just an opportunist.

Donald Trump has nominated the worst possible EPA administrator ever in the history of the EPA, Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt, who has spent most of his career suing the EPA on behalf of oil companies.

Another former Bush 43 alumnus, Hugo Teufel, will come back to DHS to helm the office in charge of FOIA requests and Crom only knows how that will go over.

The Koch brothers are laying off some of the workers in their network of wingnut advocacy groups. They're also setting up a whole new scam: a for-profit consulting firm that will charge their non-profits for advice. Neat trick! Also, looks like the Kochs may be gearing up for war with Trump to promote their version of mean-assed corporate libertarianism.

Watch nice reporter lady and Soviet political refugee Bianna Goldryga call out Rep. Dana Rohrabacher for his claims of bias while Rohrbacher blathers about how much he loves Vladimir Putin and his human rights record of killing journalists and political opponents.

If you thought #PizzaGate was over now, you'd be wrong, as Alex Jones is expanding the scope and scale of pizzagate's garbage pile of suck while he denies his own involvement, and shifts the blame for fake news to Hillary Clinton and legitimate media outlets. Makes sense!

That awful cop in San Antonio has admitted to giving a homeless person a sandwich full of dog poop. He didn't even bother to lie and say he was on hallucinating an episode of Top Chef.

An anti-gay preacher man in Not America Ghana claims he can not only turn into animals like some kind of shape-shifting robot, but also claims to be able enlarge your peener with the power of god and a special hands-on massage. Who says a church service shouldn't have a happy ending?

Here's some bizarre time for you! Watch Ted Cruz gush about his true love of hot steamy queso. Especially epic: he gags on a whole mouthful, only for it to dribble down his chin and onto his shirt where he licks it up with a gleeful smile, then holds his breath and dives in for more.

And here's your morning Nice Time, baby rock hyraxes. They're kind of like badgers, but cuter, and and they employ guards by their burrows!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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Do Y'all See What Nancy Pelosi Is Doing Yet?

She is doing a thing. We promise.

Congress

Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Everything You Need To Know About The Dumb Dick/Manafort Patsy Who Got Indicted Today

Oh Stephen Calk, what a Secretary of Army you could have been, but you are stupid :(

Russia

Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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