Trump & Assad: LET'S HAVE A WAR! Wonkagenda For Fri., April 7, 2017
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
- The US launched missiles at targets in Syria last night in retaliation for a gas attack against Syria's civilians. In a desperate attempt to distract people from his administration's multiple scandals and failures, Trump read a pre-recorded statement -- literally, the president recorded his statement about bombing another country before going to dinner with the Chinese dude -- that assured Russia that he hadn't hurt any of Putin's people.
- The CIA straight-up knew Russia was screwing around in our elections as early as August, and even briefed a handful of Congress critters. Thanks, dicks.
- America's Yuppie-Brolennial-in-Chief, Jared Kushner, did not list his meetings with Russian officials on his security clearance form, but bro, his in-laws are like fucking President, bro.
- Twitter is suing to shield the identity of one of those Alt_Gov accounts after DHS expressed extreme levels of butthurt for being called out on its faux-facts.
- The Bureau of Land Management changed its homepage background to a big 'ol hunk of coal to remind you that the US government, in the 21st century, is regressing to 19th century energy production.
- As Congress heads home for another recess, having done nothing but continue to destroy the foundations of government, so don't forget to show some love when they hold their town halls.
- The skeletons of sexual harassment continue to spill out of Fox's creepo closet as a current Fox employee is alleging a mean old racist network bitch began calling her "one-boob girl" after she was diagnosed with cancer.
- The IRS is woefully insecure against cyber attacks which shouldn't be too surprising when you consider who's president, and how they got there.
- Mittens is mulling over a Senate run in Utah (where else?) now that other Republicans aren't getting on their knees in front of Trump.
- In a sternly worded letter sent to Scott Pruitt, an EPA employee quit, and is warning that many people are already updating their resumes. Remember, it's more environmentally conscious to use two-sided dead tree flesh when printing.
- Russia is SUPER MAD that Trump is attacking its friend/best customer Syria because "things were going so well," but then it really was just a matter of time before Trump lied bigly to them too, wasn't it?
- Conspiracy crazies are going bat-shit insane over Syria, screaming about false flag ops, and pretending that they suddenly understand game theory and foreign policy.
- And here's your late night wrap-up! Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at the President Bannon meme, and Seth's writers 'splainered sexual harassment; Colbert pointed out that WINGNUTZ McCain is a hypocrite and A Idiot, and some total cuck moves made by President Bannon; and Jimmy Kimmel paid tribute to Don Rickles who paved the way for all of us.
- And here's your morning Nice Time! Fuzzy kunekune piggies!
- SPECIAL BONUS FIONA NICE TIME! YYAAASSSSSSS!
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