Trump & Assad: LET'S HAVE A WAR! Wonkagenda For Fri., April 7, 2017
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
The US launched missiles at targets in Syria last night in retaliation for a gas attack against Syria's civilians. In a desperate attempt to distract people from his administration's multiple scandals and failures, Trump read a pre-recorded statement -- literally, the president recorded his statement about bombing another country before going to dinner with the Chinese dude -- that assured Russia that he hadn't hurt any of Putin's people.
The CIA straight-up knew Russia was screwing around in our elections as early as August, and even briefed a handful of Congress critters. Thanks, dicks.
America's Yuppie-Brolennial-in-Chief, Jared Kushner, did not list his meetings with Russian officials on his security clearance form , but bro, his in-laws are like fucking President, bro.
Twitter is suing to shield the identity of one of those Alt_Gov accounts after DHS expressed extreme levels of butthurt for being called out on its faux-facts.
The Bureau of Land Management changed its homepage background to a big 'ol hunk of coal to remind you that the US government, in the 21st century, is regressing to 19th century energy production.
As Congress heads home foranotherrecess, having done nothing but continue to destroy the foundations of government, so don't forget to show some love when they hold their town halls.
The skeletons of sexual harassment continue to spill out of Fox's creepo closet as a current Fox employee is alleging a mean old racist network bitch began calling her "one-boob girl" after she was diagnosed with cancer.
The IRS is woefully insecure against cyber attacks which shouldn't be too surprising when you consider who's president, and how they got there.
Mittens is mulling over a Senate runin Utah (where else?) now that other Republicans aren't getting on their knees in front of Trump.
In a sternly worded letter sent to Scott Pruitt, an EPA employee quit, and is warning that many people are already updating their resumes. Remember, it's more environmentally conscious to use two-sided dead tree flesh when printing.
Russia is SUPER MAD that Trump is attacking its friend/best customer Syriabecause "things were going so well," but then it really was just a matter of time before Trump lied bigly to them too, wasn't it?
Conspiracy crazies are going bat-shit insane over Syria, screaming about false flag ops, and pretending that they suddenly understand game theory and foreign policy.
And here's your late night wrap-up!Seth Meyerstook A Closer Look at the President Bannon meme, and Seth's writers 'splainered sexual harassment ;Colbertpointed out that WINGNUTZ McCain is a hypocrite and A Idiot, and some total cuck moves made by President Bannon ; andJimmy Kimmelpaid tribute to Don Rickles who paved the way for all of us.
And here's your morning Nice Time! Fuzzy kunekune piggies!
SPECIAL BONUS FIONA NICE TIME! YYAAASSSSSSS!
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