Why won't Joe Biden infect himself with coronavirus like that specimen of perfect manhood Donald J. Trump? If he wants to prove he's fit for office, the vice president should go out and lick the buffet ladles like our nation's ubermensch did at his New Jersey fundraiser on Thursday, just hours before announcing his positive COVID-19 diagnosis. Allegedly, and also not allegedly.

After putting all their chips on the "Joe Biden Senile and Dying Just Like Hillary" storyline — and isn't it amazing how she beat the odds and is still with us? — the Trump campaign now finds itself with its candidate in the hospital doodling his signature and screaming out all-caps tweets in a desperate attempt to show that his patent inability to lead remains unaffected by coronavirus. Which ... okay, that one is just factcheck true.

But of course the Trump campaign has to take it one step further. Not content to let the president endanger the health of his Secret Service detail for a useless photo op, campaign surrogates have taken to the airwaves to brag that fecklessly flouting his own CDC guidelines and exposing himself to a highly communicable disease actually shows what a bigly strong leader their guy is.


"He has experience as Commander in Chief, he has experience as a businessman, he has experience now fighting the coronavirus as an individual. Those firsthand experiences, Joe Biden, he doesn't have those," campaign comms genius Erin Perrine told Fox's Sandra Smith this morning, before zigzagging back to her regularly scheduled lies about Joe Biden. "He doesn't know what it's like to create a job other than Hunter's. Joe Biden doesn't know what it's like to stand up and serve as Commander in Chief of this country."

Also, Joe Biden, who spent eight years in the White House as vice president, has been in Washington for 40 years and everything that happened in DC for the past four decades is all his fault. But Ms. Perrine digresses.

"Firsthand experience is always going to change how someone relates to something that's been happening. The president has a coronavirus right now. He's battling it head on and as toughly as only President Trump can," she continued, returning to her WEAKNESS IS STRENGTH message. "And listen, of course that's going to change the way that he speaks of it, because it will be a first-hand experience. But that experience, that experience is not only coronavirus but being president of United States, that's why you just see a different tone overall from him."

See, he's been down there in the trenches fighting the virus just like seven million other Americans, so now he's one with the people. Okay, so 210,000 of those people are now dead, and exactly none of them were able to order up alllll the experimental treatments off the menu. But other than that, it's exactly the same.

Riiiight.

Say, about that "different tone" ....

Carry on, carry on.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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