Trump Declares His Supporters The Smartestest, Dreamiest Of All

Trump Declares His Supporters The Smartestest, Dreamiest Of All

Today in "how is this even real?," one of Trump's more bizarre early morning tweets today was an ode to the greatness of his supporters.

First of all -- what numbers is he even talking about? Number of supporters? Because uh... that's not looking so good these days! Those numbers are in a definite decline. Like, he is less popular in every single state than he was a year ago, which is really saying something, given that he has never been all that popular to begin with, and in fact lost the popular vote.

Second -- take a moment and imagine these words coming from someone you actually liked, and that you were the "supporters" they were talking about. Would you not be a tad creeped out? Because I would be. I would be so very, very creeped out. I would actually argue that there is no way any person on the Left could pull this shit without people being like "OOOH. No. Please don't do that, because it makes us all feel very embarrassed for you and it makes you sound like you think you are in a boy band." And that would be fair and reasonable, because the only people who say those kinds of things are teen idols talking about how great their fans are. Because we're voters, not Claymates*.

(Except for like, that one time after I read Still Life With Woodpecker when I was 15 and decided that I would also be in love with Ralph Nader. But I am pretty sure if he'd gone around saying stuff like that, the crush would have died and I would have just started mooning over Jonathan Kozol or someone. Having quirky crushes was a very important part of being a weird chick teenager in the '90s.)

Imagine for another moment that Obama said this. Or Hillary. Or literally anyone on the Left. Oh, the outrage that would ensue! Literally every talking head on Fox would be screaming for the next several months about how those elitists think they and their supporters think they're smarter and harder working than everyone else! Oh, how dare they! Does that mean they think the rest of the country is stupid, weak and lazy? Why do they hate REAL AMERICANS?" It would end up being a huge scandal.

It seems, perhaps, that they may just be the more sensitive ones after all. Because I sure don't see anyone on the Left scrambling around crying into their quinoa salads over Donald Trump not thinking we're smart, or screaming that we feel "disrespected."

Trump's other morning tweets were equally weird, as he's still trying to blame Democrats for children getting torn from their families at the border.

It makes no sense -- and the scary thing is, it doesn't have to. Because his very smart "supporters" will just go along with him on everything, so long as he keeps complimenting them and telling them they have the healthiest, shiniest hair he's ever seen.


*Claymates are what Clay Aiken fans used to call themselves and that will never stop being the most hilarious thing that ever happened. They wrote a lot of fan fiction about Clay Aiken visiting dying grandmas in the hospital and serenading them, and it was just very wholesome and nice.


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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