Wonketariat, you're going to want to hold onto your butts this morning! Last night the hardcore evil trolls emerged from their caves in Donald Trump's brain, but 'Yr Wonket is here to call them out. Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

By now you've heard that Trump defended Nazis, white nationalists, and other hate groups yesterday, but if you haven't, here's the transcript.

White supremacists are now praising Trump's presser that attempted to shift blame for the events of Charlottesville onto everyone but the KKK and neo-Nazis.

After defending Nazis and the KKK, Trump decided to promote "his" winery in Charlottesville, which is actually Eric Trump's winery, and "is not owned, managed or affiliated with Donald J. Trump, The Trump Organization or any of their affiliates,” according to a disclaimer on the winery's website.

The White House talking points for Republicans in the wake of Trump's horrific press gaggle look like what would happen if Pat Buchanan were asked to take a torchlit walk down Bad Memory Lane.

The new CBO report on killing Obamacare forecasts 5 percent of Americans will live in areas without health coverage, popular plans will rise by 20 percent, and the deficit will grow by $194 billion over a decade. TL;DR: it'll be more expensive to deny health care for poor people than it is to keep them insured.

A federal judge denied Christopher Steele's attempt to avoid a deposition on THE DOSSIER as part of a lawsuit brought by a Russian businessman, Aleksej Gubarev.

A Ukrainian hacker has turned himself in to the FBI in fear that Russia is coming after him for knowing how Russia hacked the DNC. WHOAH if true!

Trump will begin renegotiating NAFTA today, a huge step back from his campaign promise to leave. Meanwhile, farmers and agribusinesses are still wondering what the hell he was thinking.

Hope Hicks was reported to be your new White House comms director when a reporter noticed that she updated her Twitter bio.

A number of Republicans sent rage tweets after hearing Trump's Nazi presser; just don't ask them to actually do anything substantial about it.

Republicans on the Hill really don't want to go on the record about white supremacy, and they're going out of their way not to hold hearings that could investigate domestic terrorist organizations like the KKK.

Some Democrats are calling for the removal of Confederate statues on Capitol Hill that reside in the National Statuary Hall Collection, but the decisions ultimately rests within the state legislatures.

President Bannon's balls are on the chopping block, with one senior White House official calling him a "glory hog," and saying he has been pissing off Stephen Miller and Julia Hahn for months.

John Curtis won the Republican primary for Jason Chaffetz's House seat in Utah despite a ton of negative ads and Ameros spent in favor of more Tea Party friendly candidates.

Luther Strange and Crazy Judge Roy Moore will face one another in a run-off for Jeff Sessions's Alabama Senate seat, with Moore predicting "the most negative campaign ads...by the silk-stockinged Washington elitists..."

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis told a bunch of sailors that because they manned up and joined the Navy, they'll never be "some pussy sitting on the sidelines" having deep thoughts about life, the universe, and everything.

Barack Obama's tweet on Charlottesville is the most liked, most-retweeted tweet on Twitter ever. Oh, Bamz, we miss you.

The city of Baltimore removed Confederate statues last night after passing measures on Monday. "It's done," Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh stated this morning. "They needed to come down." But where can the Nazis rally now?

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! Another Texas bathroom bill was flushed down the toilet last night after the the Texas House failed to pass the potty law in an 11th hour special session.

The UK is revealing its post-Brexit plans for trade with the EU, but EU leaders don't care what's on her Majesty's secret wish list.

The DPRK is backing off its threats to attack Guam and will simply sit back and monitor "the foolish and stupid conduct of the Yankees." Never knew they were Red Sox fans.

ESPN is super sorry for a segment that resembled a slave auction as opposed to a fantasy sportsball draft.

According to a new lawsuit, Corey Lewandowski scares the shit out of his neighbors, and began to make violent threats against after Lewandowski was butthurt over a land deal.

Crowdsourcing platform GoFundMe is using its banhammer on neo-Nazis trying to set up a defense fund for the Charlottesville killer.

In a Facebook rant, Pharama-bro Martin Shkreli says he could be president, and Ben Shaprio could be his Veep, Kanye West his CIA director, Julian Assange as FBI Director, and Milo Yiano-whatever a press secretary. Also, reporters will go through some kind of reprogramming, and "Defense spending will drop as I have no penis envy." Like hell he doesn't.

Hillary Clinton's pastor may have plagiarized part of his new book, and we only mention this to make fun of the fact that someone thinks this is newsworthy

Tucker Carlson thinks it's the anti-racists who are actually racist, and not the self-identifying anti-semites and white nationalists. He's shocked that "nobody acknowledges that for some reason."

Hannity doesn't think we should rush to judgement on Charlottesville, since Obama always got "the facts" wrong when black people were killed.

And here's your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert noted Trump's presser got low ratingsJimmy Kimmel thinks it's time to consider impeachmentSeth Meyers slipped in some late breaking crazytalkJames Corden put blame both sides: white supremacists and the Nazis; and Jim Jefferies reminded everyone that we don't need statues to remember haters and bigots.

And here's your morning Nice Time! It's a silvered leaf langur baby!

Kick us a few Ameros, and in return we'll continue to keep feeding you the newses!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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