Ukraine

No Impeachment, No Problem! Bolton's Got Leaks FOREVER

Stay mad!

Lamar Alexander may be done with this Ukraine scandal, but John Bolton is definitely not finished yet. The New York Times just dropped the latest leaks from his book, in time to highlight what an absolute shitshow sham this entire impeachment has been. Particularly since multiple members of Trump's legal defense team appear to have been in on the Ukraine shakedown scheme.

More than two months before he asked Ukraine's president to investigate his political opponents, President Trump directed John R. Bolton, then his national security adviser, to help with his pressure campaign to extract damaging information on Democrats from Ukrainian officials, according to an unpublished manuscript by Mr. Bolton.

Mr. Trump gave the instruction, Mr. Bolton wrote, during an Oval Office conversation in early May that included the acting White House chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, the president's personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani and the White House counsel, Pat A. Cipollone, who is now leading the president's impeachment defense.

Goodbye executive and attorney-client privilege, since this conversation included lawyers for the executive branch, who don't represent the president personally, and Rudy Giuliani, who is not a member of the executive branch. And hello Pat Cipollone, Mick Mulvaney, and Pat's deputy henchman Mike Purpura! Looks like you boys got a little dogshit on your shoes. Although, to be honest, we all smelled it already. Jay Sekulow's been rolling around in this Ukraine mess from the jump, but we knew the overpowering reek of corruption had to be coming off more than one of y'all.

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Trump impeachment hearings

White House Declares Bolton Book Classified, Invites Him To Publish It NEVER

That shit's going in the Bin Laden vault, and it's never coming out.

The Cover Up Express Train just keeps rolling along. Yesterday we suggested that perhaps a March 17 release date for John Bolton's book was a tad optimistic, since he needs the White House to sign his permission slip before going to press. Bolton is willing to deliver Donald Trump's Ukraine extortion plot on a silver platter, so God only knows what embarrassing tea he's ready to dish on everyone else in the Trumpland. So if you think White House Counsel Pat Cipollone won't drag that classification review out past the election, then you should probably hand your ATM card to a grownup until your judgment improves.

Yesterday morning, Donald Trump tweeted that John Bolton was a loser with lousy judgment who begged Trump for a job and then wrote a nasty book, full of untrue lies that are also somehow "Classified National Security."

And right on cue it emerged that the National Security Council sent Bolton's lawyers a letter last week saying that "the manuscript appears to contain significant amounts of classified information," some of which rises to the "TOP SECRET level." Surprise!

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Trump impeachment hearings

Mitch McConnell Goes Limp On Impeachment Witnesses

Do you suffer from flaccid gavel? There's a pill for that!

Never, never, NEVER, bet against Mitch McConnell. That guy is as competent as he is evil, and he knows how to whip his caucus. That said ... LOL forever! Mitch ain't got the votes to put this impeachment to bed without calling witnesses, at least not yet.

The Wall Street Journal was first to report yesterday that, after Trump's lazyass legal team noped out before 3 p.m., McConnell assembled the GOP senators to concede that he doesn't have the votes. Which means that at least one other Republican besides Mitt Romney, Susan Collins, and Lisa Murkowski looked at the Bolton revelations and reasoned that #TeamSham was maybe not the safest place to be if you want to walk down the street without getting the full Giuliani treatment.

You so hate to see it!

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Ukraine

Lev Parnas And His Badass Weed Lawyer Dropping Fire Mixtapes Like POW!

Okay people, we're going INTO THE WEEDS!

The newest chucklefuck mixtape has dropped, and it is FIRE! Recorded live at an April 30, 2018, event for donors to Trump's America First Action PAC by Igor Fruman, the "Silent Bob" of the Chucklefuck Gang, this tape's got everything. There are donors proposing legislation to benefit their own businesses that was shortly thereafter championed by House Republicans. There's a whole lot of golf talk, including speculation about Kim Jong Un's mean game. But it's Donald Trump's order to fire ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch that's getting the most airtime.

PARNAS: The biggest problem there, where we need to start is, we gotta get rid of the ambassador. She's still left over from the Clinton administration.

TRUMP: Who, the ambassador to Ukraine?

PARNAS: And she's basically walking around telling everybody wait, he's going to get impeached, just wait. It's incredible.

[Laughter]

UNKNOWN: She'll be gone tomorrow.

PARNAS: What's her name?

FRUMAN: I don't remember.

(Probably White House advisor Johnny) DeSTEFANO: So one of the things that will be now that we have a secretary of state that's been confirmed--

TRUMP: Get rid of her! Get her out tomorrow. I don't care. Get her out tomorrow. Take her out. Okay? Do it.

Because it's totally normal for the president of the United States to fire career civil servants based on the unsubstantiated, self-serving allegations of some dipshit at a PAC dinner, right? Particularly when that dipshit admits that he's got a financial stake in the very change he's advocating.

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