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Donald Trump: 'I've Always Had a Great Relationship With the Blacks'

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At the rate Donald Trump is scooping up key parts of the Republican base the real candidates are too afraid to be seen courting, his fake candidacy will have officially have won the real campaign in only a week or two. Who's he going after now?Racists. "I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. But unfortunately, it seems that, you know, the numbers you cite are very, very frightening numbers," he told a radio interviewer when asked about Obama's support among African Americans. He loses points for saying he has a "good relationship" with "the blacks," but he definitely makes up for it by using the term "the blacks" and saying they only support Obama because he's black.


Trump said the numbers were troubling and pointed to Hillary Clinton as proof that he probably won't get the kind of support among African-Americans that he deserves.

"I tell it like it is," Trump said. "[Y]ou'll hear a political reporter go on and say it had nothing to do with race. But how come she had such a tiny piece of the vote? And you know, it's a very sad thing." [...]

Dicker said, somewhat rhetorically, that votes should always be based on merit, not on race.

"If that were the case, why did Hillary Clinton do so poorly?" Turmp asked.

Yeah, how dare black people not support Hillary Clinton? How sad. Just when you think white people will have the chance to win the presidency, black people close the door once again. When will a white guy like Trump ever be allowed success at anything?

Of course, Clinton did have a whole lot of support from African Americans, especially older voters. But obviously they should listen to Trump and evenly split their votes in any given election between the guy they think they agree with and, say, a man who refers to them as "the blacks." [NY Observer via Wonkette operative "Brandy C."]

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Photo by Daniel Stockman, Creative Commons license 2.0

It's Sunday, and that means it's time for a break from the ongoing grind of awfulness out there. Let's dive into some cool, funny, thoughtful stuff to fortify ourselves before we get back to the daily madness, shall we?

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After watching President Arty McDeals twist in the wind for a month, IRL politician Mitch McConnell finally decided to throw the mook a lifeline. Despite constant screaming about women with duct tape over their mouths, Trump is getting blamed for the shutdown and even his own supporters are starting to turn on him. So Ol' Yertle summoned Mike Pence and Jared Kushner to his chambers for some #RealTalk.

"Tell Donald that he has to offer something so it looks like the Democrats are the ones who won't compromise." He said. (Probably.)

"That's great," squeaked young Jared (allegedly), "Democrats are desperate. We've got them right where we want them." McConnell blinked hard.

"No, Jared," he probably said. "They're not going to take the deal. We'd have more luck getting Mexico to pay for it. The point is to offer something silly so they turn us down, and then we try to convince the public that the shutdown is Democrats' fault."

"I don't get it," said Jared (allegedly), as Mother's boy Pence furrowed his brow and sighed through his nose. (Not allegedly, it's his signature move.)

"I know," Mitch might have said. "Believe me, I know."

Which is how President Teleprompter wound up giving a MAJOR ADDRESS yesterday offering to hold off on deporting some of the Dream Act kids for a hot second if Democrats will just give him $5.7 billion for WALL and let him expel future child arrivals without a hearing. Trump himself rescinded protections for up to a million immigrants brought here as kids as soon as he took office, but he'll let some of those hostages go if Democrats will just give him cash for that WALL that Mexico is "indirectly" paying for. Heck, he'll even let 300,000 people who fled war and natural disasters and put down roots here over decades to stay a little longer, if that's what it takes. He plans to deport them all in three years anyway, or else use them for another round of hostage negotiations. (If we re-elect That Orange Idiot, spit on the ground/sign of the horns/God forbid.)

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