Zits of DOOOOM!

Huge news from the ConspiraLoonoSphere: Alex Jones sycophant, minor Watergate ratfucker, and Donald Trump buddy (though not in an official capacity) Roger Stone revealed in a shocking appearance on Jones's Infowars program that he had very definitely survived a murder attempt by his many enemies, or maybe a bad dose of canned clams. RightWingWatch has the highlights:

Stone previously informed us during the campaign that he worried about Hillary Clinton's death squads, but not too much, because he ingests lots of Alex Jones's InfoWars Brand Trucker Speed so he can meet any challenge. But it looks like THEY got to him anyway this time, through nefarious means Stone still hasn't identified. He assured Jones that he's been taking his Trucker Speed on the regular, but nonetheless found himself suffering mysterious symptoms that could only mean one thing: he'd narrowly survived an ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT:

I am generally a healthy person. I have been a runner and a weight lifter. I am very careful in my diet. I’m a user of the Infowars supplements. I have been treated with acupuncture by perhaps the greatest acupuncturist in the state of Florida if not the United States.

So there's a guy who's damn near invincible, what with the trucker speed and the needles. Nonetheless, a few weeks ago he began to suffer symptoms that he thought at first were a “routine stomach virus,” but soon grew much, much worse, with

over 14 days of high fevers, delirium, night sweats; I had lesions on my chest and my face, I had extreme diarrhea, I had vomiting that could not be stopped with medication, I became exceedingly dehydrated, and I ultimately had to be hydrated by IV and saline injections.

Well there you have it: definitely murder, or the symptoms of about a million other things. Jones helpfully pointed out that Stone is such a magnificent physical specimen that "the last time you were in the hospital was when you were born." Aha! Now there's a connection he should have explored further!

But when Stone went to Mt. Sinai Hospital in Palm Beach, his blood tests concerned his physician so much that the hospital sent the tests to the federal Centers for Disease Control, as doctors routinely do. (We'll just note here the CDC can't be trusted when it comes to information on Ebola or Zika, but suddenly became the most credible possible authority for the purpose of this interview.) Wouldn't you know it, the CDC and all the doctors agree Stone was poisoned, probably with

a substance that may have been polonium or had the characteristics of polonium. This made me exceedingly ill. The conjecture of all the doctors was that I did not receive a large enough dose to kill me, but I have never been this ill.

Hold on to your tinfoil hats, kids: Stone didn't happen to bring along his medical records or anything like that, because the important thing is to figure out who would have tried to murder him using Polonius, the busybody old fart from Hamlet. (We bet it was the Danes!) Stone happens to know that, as one of the highest level operatives against the "Deep State," it could be practically anyone!

"Who would want to do this to me? I am an enemy of the deep state. I think people know that I was an insider in American politics I was close to power in nine presidential elections" [...]

“The Republican/Democrat Bush-Clinton deep state has manufactured this Russia fraud. They have compounded it by [pushing] a clearly fabricated document [...]

“Perhaps the fact that I’m effective on behalf of my beliefs has something to do with it,” Stone theorizes.

Stone also theorized the fake news pee hooker document was paid for by Dan Senor, a former advisor to Mitt Romney, the guy who wanted to delegitimize Donald Trump so much that he was begging for a job as Secretary of State. But maybe the poisoning was Romney's revenge for Trump not choosing him! You know how Romney goes around having people murdered. They all do.

Out in mere reality, Polonium 210 is a radioactive isotope used by Russian intelligence agents to murder former FSB agent Alexander Litvinenko in England, although Alex Jones of course knows Litvinenko was actually killed by British intelligence in a false flag attack to make Russia and Vladimir Putin look bad, because that's just how evil the British are. Why, oh, why do U.S. and British intelligence services keep trying to stir up trouble between America and the peace-loving leader of Russia? It is indeed a mystery.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Arkansas Republican Senator and evil Pinocchio turned into a real live boy Tom Cotton appeared on CBS's "Face the Nation" to discuss the attacks on oil tankers on the Gulf of Oman. And while the world is still trying to confirm IF Iran perpetrated the attacks due to conflicting accounts (the US says it was Iran with mines; the Japanese shipping operator says it was a “flying object"), that hasn't stopped GOP politicians like Cotton from trying to turn this into the justification they've been looking for, for great good glorious WAR.

MARGARET BRENNAN: You have long been defined as a hawk on Iran. You see these recent attacks, these are commercial vessels not military installations. What kind of response is warranted?

: Well Iran for 40 years has engaged in this kind of attacks going back to the 1980s. In fact Ronald Reagan had to reflag a lot of vessels going through the Persian Gulf and ultimately take military action against Iran in 1988. These unprovoked attacks on commercial shipping warrant a retaliatory military strike.

: Are you- you're comparing the tanker war in the '80s to now and saying that that's the kind of military response you want to see?

COTTON: We can make a military wreck- response in a time and in a manner of our choosing. But yes, unprovoked attacks on commercial shipping warrant a retaliatory military strike against the Islamic Republic of Iran.

The goddamn “Tanker Wars"?! Oh ... you mean when, during the Iraq-Iran War, we waited until Kuwait formally asked for our assistance to escort Saddam Hussein's oil? When Reagan, without approval from Congress, reflagged Kuwaiti vessels? When Reagan got us involved in the Iraq-Iran War leading to a daylong naval battle between Iran and the US, known as Operation Praying Mantis? The conflict we jumped into that led to our mistaking an Iran Air commercial jetliner for an Iranian F-14, shooting it down and killing all 290 people onboard, including 66 children? That's what you want to repeat, Tom Cotton?! Also, whatever happened to our ally, Saddam Hussein?

They say that those who don't learn from history repeat it. Tom Cotton is here to prove Republicans never learn. Watch the video below for yourself:

Cotton says "unprovoked attacks to oil profits" from Iran "warrant a retaliatory military strike"

While Tom Cotton was justifying a war with Iran on CBS, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was having a surprisingly harder time on “Fox News Sunday" than he did on CBS when he transparently insinuated what the Trump administration really cares about with Iran ( "Texas Tea").

Pompeo: Trump doesn't war with Iran but will "defend American OIL interests"

Seems Pompeo was upset that his “beating the drums of war" shtick was being interrupted to have to answer about Trump admitting (more like bragging) it was okay to take foreign assistance (and then walking it back when all the killjoys said it was illegal). After playing the ABC News clip, Chris Wallace asked a very pointed yet direct question. Pompeo's answer, however, was far from both:

WALLACE: Is accepting oppo research from a foreign government right or wrong?

POMPEO: Chris, you know you asked me not to call any of your questions today ridiculous ... You came really close right there. (awkward giggle) President Trump has been very clear. He ... he clarified his remarks later. He ... he made it very clear. Even in his first comment. He said "I'd do both." He said he'd call the FBI ...

WALLACE: He said "Maybe I'd do both."

POMPEO: President Trump has been very clear. That he will always make sure that he gets it right for the American people and I'm confident he'll do that here as well.

It was at this moment Pompeo thought he was golden because he's on Fox News and they never follow up! But clearly he forgot Chris Wallace doesn't play like that.

WALLACE: At the risk of getting your ire, the President told "Fox and Friends" on Friday, and I agree, he kind of walked it back...

POMPEO: He didn't walk it back.

: Yes, he did. Because he said "maybe" on Thursday. And then on Friday, on "Fox and Friends," he said "he'd listen first AND then if the information was bad that he would take it to the FBI or the Attorney General." But he also made it clear to George Stephanopolous that he did not see this as "foreign interference." And I want to play a clip of the President's own words ...

Then Wallace played ANOTHER clip of Trump's idiotic words back to Pompeo. Then he asks Pompeo one more time:

WALLACE: He says "it's not interference, it's information." The country, sir, and I don't need to tell you, has a long history dating back to George Washington in saying that foreign interference in our elections is unacceptable. POMPEO: Chris, President Trump believes that too. I have nothing further to add. I came on to talk about foreign policy and I think that's the third time you've asked me about a Washington ... piece of ... silliness. That's just, that's just a story that's inconsistent with what I've seen from President Trump do every single day.

After an awkward pause and visible anger in Pompeo's face (really, do watch), Chris Wallace calls it a day ... but remembers to remind Pompeo he's a thin-skinned baby:

WALLACE: I will leave it there. I think I only asked you twice but that's alright Mr. Secretary. Thank you. Thanks for your time and Happy Father's Day, sir.

Watch the video below for yourself.

And that's all for this week in Trump's collusion and "wag the dog"/Saudi oil interest war chants. So let's end with a couple of pictures of my new puppy, Harley Quinn!

Might as well have one last nice thing before our next war or stolen election. Have a week!

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