Trump Lawyers Think They're Doing GOTCHAS To House Judiciary Committee. YOU BET.
Where we come from, it's called CHUTZPAH. Let's take a wild shot in the dark that Trumpland lawyer Alan Futerfas has also heard the classic definition of chutzpah as a man who murders his parents and then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. This week, Mr. Futerfas, in a transparent bid to sweep the 2019 Yiddish Chutzpah Oscars -- try the veal, it's Glatt kosher! -- sent a letter to House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler demanding that he fire recently hired legal consultant Barry Berke because of CONFLICTS.
Berke is a longtime partner at Kramer Levin, a 375-lawyer firm which has done minor work for the Trump Organization in the past, according to The Washington Post. No one in Trumpland is currently represented by the firm, Berke never worked on Trump matters, and Kramer Levin isn't paying for Berke's time with the Judiciary Committee, which he is offering on a volunteer basis. Nevertheless, Futerfas insists that Berke is "ethically conflicted from representing or advising the Committee." He further demands that Nadler "cease and desist from any and all activities that are adverse to the [Trump] Company," and hand over all communications with Berke. He also sent a similar letter to House Oversight Chair Elijah Cummings, who hasn't engaged Berke, but works closely with Judiciary, and thus it is ILLEGAL for Congressman Cummings to investigate the Trump Organization. Did Futerfas also demand they cancel tomorrow's public hearing with Michael Cohen? Because that would be, as they say in the legal profession, fucking perfect.
Words cannot express how excited Your Wonkette is for the epic bloody smackdown coming Futerfas's way from Messrs. Nadler and Cummings. Yes, of course his job is to advocate aggressively for his client, but COME THE FUCK ON. Futerfas may be from a boutique, three-attorney firm, but surely even an outfit that small doesn't just leave client files around for random perusal. With hundreds of attorneys and staff, Kramer Levin undoubtedly manages its filing system so that criminal attorneys can't access condo board documents drafted by real estate partners five years ago. Which Futerfas knows of course, but this is the kind of shit you file for PR purposes. What makes this especially chutzpahdick, as our Bubbe would say, is Futerfas's own position in Trumpland.
Alan Futerfas was hired back in July 2017 to represent Don Jr. personally. He was paid at least $216,000 by the RNC to represent young Deej. Some sort of way, Futerfas wound up as the chief lawyer for the Trump Organization in early 2018. And then he showed up last August in New York representing the Trump Foundation, which the state Attorney General had charged with misusing donated funds to support the Trump campaign. The likelihood that some of these parties wind up adverse to each other -- say for example if one executive at the Trump Organization greenlighted laundering an illegal campaign finance payment through the company's books without telling his siblings -- is high. Which would put Mr. Futerfas in a difficult position. And we're sure he's an entirely competent practitioner who always gets his clients to waive their conflicts. BUT STILL ... from him, we're not taking a lecture on ethical conflicts, thankyouverymuch.
And no, blintzes have nothing to with Mr. Futerfas, of course. But really this is the nicest thing we could think of to say about him right now. He should only turn into a blintz!
A BLINTZ FILLED WITH CHUTZPAH!
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