Where we come from, it's called CHUTZPAH. Let's take a wild shot in the dark that Trumpland lawyer Alan Futerfas has also heard the classic definition of chutzpah as a man who murders his parents and then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. This week, Mr. Futerfas, in a transparent bid to sweep the 2019 Yiddish Chutzpah Oscars -- try the veal, it's Glatt kosher! -- sent a letter to House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler demanding that he fire recently hired legal consultant Barry Berke because of CONFLICTS.

Berke is a longtime partner at Kramer Levin, a 375-lawyer firm which has done minor work for the Trump Organization in the past, according to The Washington Post. No one in Trumpland is currently represented by the firm, Berke never worked on Trump matters, and Kramer Levin isn't paying for Berke's time with the Judiciary Committee, which he is offering on a volunteer basis. Nevertheless, Futerfas insists that Berke is "ethically conflicted from representing or advising the Committee." He further demands that Nadler "cease and desist from any and all activities that are adverse to the [Trump] Company," and hand over all communications with Berke. He also sent a similar letter to House Oversight Chair Elijah Cummings, who hasn't engaged Berke, but works closely with Judiciary, and thus it is ILLEGAL for Congressman Cummings to investigate the Trump Organization. Did Futerfas also demand they cancel tomorrow's public hearing with Michael Cohen? Because that would be, as they say in the legal profession, fucking perfect.

Words cannot express how excited Your Wonkette is for the epic bloody smackdown coming Futerfas's way from Messrs. Nadler and Cummings. Yes, of course his job is to advocate aggressively for his client, but COME THE FUCK ON. Futerfas may be from a boutique, three-attorney firm, but surely even an outfit that small doesn't just leave client files around for random perusal. With hundreds of attorneys and staff, Kramer Levin undoubtedly manages its filing system so that criminal attorneys can't access condo board documents drafted by real estate partners five years ago. Which Futerfas knows of course, but this is the kind of shit you file for PR purposes. What makes this especially chutzpahdick, as our Bubbe would say, is Futerfas's own position in Trumpland.

Alan Futerfas was hired back in July 2017 to represent Don Jr. personally. He was paid at least $216,000 by the RNC to represent young Deej. Some sort of way, Futerfas wound up as the chief lawyer for the Trump Organization in early 2018. And then he showed up last August in New York representing the Trump Foundation, which the state Attorney General had charged with misusing donated funds to support the Trump campaign. The likelihood that some of these parties wind up adverse to each other -- say for example if one executive at the Trump Organization greenlighted laundering an illegal campaign finance payment through the company's books without telling his siblings -- is high. Which would put Mr. Futerfas in a difficult position. And we're sure he's an entirely competent practitioner who always gets his clients to waive their conflicts. BUT STILL ... from him, we're not taking a lecture on ethical conflicts, thankyouverymuch.


And no, blintzes have nothing to with Mr. Futerfas, of course. But really this is the nicest thing we could think of to say about him right now. He should only turn into a blintz!


[WaPo / Politico]

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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