Trump Makes Up For Lifetime Of Pussygrabbing With Last Minute Women's History Month Video
As you may know, March is Women's History Month. As you may also know, March is almost over. On Thursday, the second to last day of March, Donald Trump released an Instagram video in which he heroically speaks to a room full of ladies for 40 seconds without calling any of them "bitches" or "dogs," or grabbing a single one of them by the pussy, or accusing them of perioding all over their chairs, or freaking out because they went to the bathroom, or saying they are "not a 10" or generally insulting them in any way.
AND THEN ALL THE WOMEN GIVE HIM A STANDING OVATION. Because women love him so much. And look, ladies can do all kinds of stuff. Like this lady right here, playing the piano. Who, judging by that jacket, just might be one Kellyanne Conway.
They can show all the other ladies the contents of their Chanel flap bag!
They can stand around and look moved while Donald Trump is speaking!
They can appreciate a good floral arrangement! Ladies like flowers, you know. Donald Trump knows that.
And they can stand and clap for Donald Trump!
This is not, of course, to say that they deserve reproductive rights or maternity leave or anything like that. It is just to say that Donald Trump thinks women are swell, and he understands their struggles. Like just how hard they must try to be a 10 when they have small breasts.
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse