Trump: Republicans Just Won't Vote Unless Imaginary 2020 Voter Fraud Solved

Don't threaten me with a good time — Tiffany, Rock of Love

In a statement released on his official personal website that he pretends is Twitter but isn't Twitter, Donald Trump announced that if Republicans do not do something about the imaginary rigging of the 2020 election, Republicans will not bother voting in the next few elections.

"If we don't solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented)," he wrote, "Republicans will not be voting in '22 or '24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do."

And there's the downside of pretending an election was rigged and stolen. Sure it motivates rage-filled "patriots" to raid Congress, demand the election be overturned, and end up in prison, but it does not exactly make them want to get out there and vote in November. Because really, why even bother if it's that easy to rig, anyway?

Here in reality, where the rest of us and all of the federal election officials live, the 2020 election was actually the most secure election in history. This means that Republicans are going to have a very difficult time proving that there was any kind of election fraud, particularly any theories that involve the nation of Italy having particularly reliable internet service. They'll have an even more difficult time "fixing" this non-existent problem — which is probably why so far all of their "fixes" simply involve making it more difficult for Black people to vote.

Unfortunately for them, their constituents don't actually think the main problem was "too many Black people voting" but rather they literally think the election was hacked and all of their Trump votes were turned into Biden votes. While they might enjoy that move for its own sake, making it more difficult for Black people to vote is not actually going to restore their faith in election integrity. They think we can just add and subtract votes anywhere we want — and yet for some reason, we keep Ted Cruz around. Our ways are a mystery, even to us.

Now sure. Many of us are probably thinking this is great and that we should in fact encourage it. Perhaps tell them that the only way we are ever going to learn our lesson about not rigging elections is if they boycott voting entirely. It'll certainly make it a lot easier to vote in Democrats, even if Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema successfully prevent them from actually doing anything to help people and improve their day-to-day lives (which is notably a very good way of getting people who might not normally vote for you to vote for you).

But that's just not right.

They are our fellow citizens and we should absolutely encourage them to exercise their right to vote. In fact, we should push that just as hard as we have pushed them to take the vaccine. Surely, if we just keep telling them the elections are safe, they will believe us and not think it is some kind of trap. Surely, none of them would be able to come up with any reason why voting could be the Mark of the Beast or a way to secretly track them all so we know who to send to the FEMA camps when the New World Order gets started. Surely that would never happen.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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