Trump Vows Vengeance On Mortal Enemies Paul Ryan, John McCain, Kelly Ayotte, That One Crying Baby
Something about this guy inspires great Photoshops. Perpetrator unknown.
As the post-convention Trümpendämmerung continues, it's a bit difficult to keep up. Tuesday, in addition to all the other dumb shit he said (honestly, too much to list), Trump also told the Washington Post's Philip Rucker he would refuse to endorse three Republicans with upcoming primaries -- Sens. John McCain and Kelly Ayotte and House Speaker Paul Ryan -- because what the fuck have they ever done for him except timidly endorse him while trying not to get covered in Trump Stank? Haven't these weaklings gotten the message? You embrace the whole Trump, complete with that outer coating of semiliquid fecal matter, or you diiiiieeeeee.
The immediate cause of the TrumPique appears to be the statements by all three criticizing Trump's scorched-earth war against Khizr and Ghazala Khan, although Ryan didn't even mention Trump by name. Despite their criticisms, none of the three had actually withdrawn their endorsements, because they are spineless cowards who want to appeal to mainstream voters while also not angering deranged Trump supporters.
Not that Trump actually said he was motivated by revenge. Instead, he offered the usual Trumpenspew of demonstrable nonsense to explain why he simply couldn't support the three apostates:
Trump claims he can’t support McCain because “He has not done a good job for the vets” — a hilarious use of McCain’s one unambiguously heroic trait as a reason not to trust him. Ryan is allegedly too lacking in “strong leadership”: “I like Paul, but these are horrible times for our country,” Trump said. “We need very strong leadership.” Trump even mimics Ryan’s own language from May, before his endorsement, when Ryan said of his still-pending decision to endorse, “I’m not there right now.” (Trump tells Rucker, “I’m just not quite there yet.”) With Ayotte, Trump does not know enough to make up a reason and simply says she “has given me zero support.”incoherent endorsement (ah, but we repeat ourselves) from Sarah Palin.
Oh, yeah, and Trump also did a little more lying in there, although as Trump Lies go, they were the equivalent of background radiation, not true whoppers. He told Rucker that Ryan had asked for his endorsement, but that he was only "giving it very serious consideration," prompting the Ryan campaign to issue a statement saying
Neither Speaker Ryan nor anyone on his team has ever asked for Donald Trump’s endorsement. And we are confident in a victory next week regardless.
Oh, well now you're just trying to make Trump mad. Elsewhere in the WaPo interview, Trump continued to lay the groundwork for chickening out of the presidential debates, saying he intends to renegotiate already-set details like the dates, which should absolutely not conflict with any NFL f'ball games. He also said he should have a say in picking a fair, unbiased moderator -- perhaps his hot bangable daughter Ivanka?
Ivanka, sadly, is probably not going to be available, assuming she follows her father's suggestion that she quit any job where she's sexually harassed.
Republican National Committee head Reince Priebus, whose name anagrams to "Insure crib pee," "nice ripe rubes," and several other wonders, was reportedly "apoplectic" over Trump's refusal to help out alleged fellow Republicans, and supposedly called several Trump staffers to tell them just how displeased he was. Following that decisive action, Priebus was seen strutting around his office exactly like a Yorkshire terrier whose yapping has once again protected its family from certain death at the hands of a postal carrier.
Later in the day, it is believed Mr. Trump clandestinely dropped by RNC headquarters to urinate upon Mr. Priebus, thus reasserting his dominance.
Wednesday morning, Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort insisted on Fox News that there was no truth to rumors that Trump's allies in the GOP were planning an "intervention" to get his campaign back on track.
The campaign is focused and the campaign is moving forward in a positive way. The only need we have for an intervention with is maybe some media types who keep saying things that aren’t true.
Further, Manafort said, everything in the campaign was under control, adding,
Situation normal. Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?
Asked to comment on the apparent disarray in the Trump campaign and GOP, A Hillary Clinton spokesman would only say, "That's great, kid. Don't get cocky."
As Yr Wonkette was going to press with this story, Trump's VP nominee, Mike Wossname, reportedly told Fox News he was definitely supporting Paul Ryan:
It is as yet unclear whether Trump will now draw his lightsaber and strike down his own running mate, or instead choke him using the Force and then accept his apology.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.