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Let's briefly note the irony of Donny Bonespurs representing the United States in Vietnam on Veterans Day. He finally made it to Danang! AHEM.

This weekend, Putin got a chance to check in with his protégé at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit. A perfect opportunity to assure the old fool that he did too win all the votes in 2016. And Putin is only too happy to whisper sweet nothings in the orange presidential ear.

Then Trump obediently trotted off to tell reporters that he is THE LEGITIMATEST PRESIDENT EVER! Via Axios,

I just asked him again. He said he absolutely did not meddle in our election, he did not do what they are saying he did.

Right. And the Russian hack of the DNC, Russian attacks on voting machines in 39 states, deceptive Facebook ads paid for in rubles, and the conclusion of the NSA, ODNI, CIA and FBI that it was Russian hacking directed by Putin? Per CNN,

I mean, give me a break, they are political hacks. So you look at it, I mean, you have Brennan, you have Clapper and you have Comey. Comey is proven now to be a liar and he is proven now to be a leaker. So you look at that and you have President Putin very strongly, vehemently says he had nothing to do with them.

Got it. Career civil servants who served under Democratic and Republican administrations are all hacks, said the guy who hired Carter Page and George Papadopoulos.

So WHODUNIT?

[T]hat whole thing was set up by the Democrats. Look at Podesta, look at all the things that they have done with the phony dossier. Those are the big events.

Well, at least he didn't call it The Dodgy Dossier. But this is entirely too stupid to argue about. It's like climate change -- the science is in, and people who choose not to believe aren't going to be convinced by any evidence. And frankly, we're all suffering from outrage fatigue right now.

To the extent there are tea leaves to be read in the reeking compost heap of Donald Trump's ramblings, however, we should note that he's got a brand new talking point: We can't investigate Russian interference in the election because ... North Korea.

If we had a relationship with Russia, that would be a good thing. In fact it would be a great thing, not a bad thing, because he could really help us on North Korea. We have a big problem with North Korea and China is helping us. And because of the lack of the relationship that we have with Russia, because of this artificial thing that's happening with this Democratic-inspired thing. We could really be helped a lot with Russia having to do with North Korea. You know you are talking about millions and millions of lives. This isn't baby stuff, this is the real deal. And if Russia helped us in addition to China, that problem would go away a lot faster.

So if Democrats don't quit examining the hacks in 2016 and shoring up the electoral system against future attacks, Russia will have hurt feelings and go running into the arms of North Korea. And then millions of people will die, and it will be all John Podesta's fault. It's just so obvious!

Donald Trump routinely threatens to rain fire down from the sky on North Korea, resulting in the deaths of millions of South Koreans.

But if shit goes sideways and people get dead, we should all blame Hillary Clinton. Got it? Also, too, we have to kill the Mueller investigation in the interest of national security!

Look for this nonsense in constant rotation on the Fox propaganda network next week. Up is down, down is up, and if we secure our voting machines against Russian hacks, then the terrorists win!

[Axios / CNN]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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An unhinged wannabe fascist who tweets about golden showers did a news conference in the Rose Garden this afternoon. Also, Donald Trump was there.

Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro is in town, and everything about today's public appearance with Trump and Bolsonaro has been real stupid, just like how it was real stupid when Bolsonaro's stupid son was the stupid guest of honor the other night at a stupid Steve Bannon event at the stupid Trump trash palace hotel in DC.

During their pool spray, Trump excitedly told reporters that he was making plans to give NATO privileges to Brazil, because of how Brazil elected a big gross dipshit just like America did. Of course, considering how Trump treats actual NATO countries, Bolsonaro might want to reconsider whether he wants that.

Then a reporter asked him about his blubbering whiny-ass attacks on John McCain, who is still dead.

That's right, Donald Trump didn't even avoid the question about his very embarrassing behavior. He spoke about McCain as if McCain were still alive, whined about McCain killing Obamacare repeal, and concluded by saying, "I was never a fan of John McCain, and I never will be." As for McCain, he will continue living rent-free in the president's nightmares and his face will be the face of Trump's insecurities, because we guess that's what happens to John McCains when they die.

But enough about the pool spray! After they met in the Oval Office and did whatever fascists who should be prohibited entry to the White House via an electric doggie fence do (sniffed each other's butts, probably), they entered the Rose Garden and proceeded to hike their legs on democracy some more.

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Yep, we're breaking out the Wikimedia kitten image for this one.

CNN is out today with a story on members of the anti-vaccination/pro-disease movement who have found a delightful new way to win converts to their side in the war on science: find parents (mothers, generally) who have recently lost a child to a preventable disease, and then harass them on social media, because after all, good people refuse vaccines and anyone who advocates for vaccines must be burned to the ground. As your lawyer (we are not a lawyer), we advise you to secure any hurlable heavy objects near you before reading.

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