Post-Racial America

Trump Loses His African-American, Now Down To A Mismatched Burlap And Pebble

Black man starts to suspect that Trump MIGHT BE a racist POS.

Donald Trump has lost his African-American. If it's any help, we're usually the last place you put us. During the 2016 presidential campaign, Trump spotted Gregory Cheadle -- who is black and not the actor Don -- in the crowd at one of his rallies. He paused his rambling nonsense to point at Cheadle and exclaim, "Look at my African-American over here! Look at him. Are you the greatest?" We don't recommend dehumanizing black people by assuming we're your personal property. That fad only lasted for 400 years.

Trump's African-American tried sticking it out in the GOP's "One of The Good Ones" club, where membership has no privileges. But he's finally had enough. Cheadle revealed to PBS News Hour that he's done with Trump's ragtag band of racists and is now a free agent.

CHEADLE: President Trump is a rich guy who is mired in white privilege to the extreme. Republicans are too sheepish to call him out on anything and they are afraid of losing their positions and losing any power themselves.

Cheadle hasn't been back on the plantation that long and already he's race-baiting and waging class warfare. It was all building up inside during the eight goddamn years he wasn't supporting Barack Obama.

Trump Praises to 'My African American' Supporter

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​Is Mike Pompeo A Heat-Seeking Missile For Henry Kissinger's Ass? The News Says Maybe!


History lesson time! Once upon a time Henry Kissinger was a very bad man who was the secretary of State and also the national security advisor and he served a criminal president named Richard Nixon in both of those roles and then Richard Nixon got Watergated to death but he got better but then he died at a later date. Oh boy, Wonkette is the historian Kevin Kruse DREAMS of being!

Rumor has it that Mike Pompeo might be the next national security advisor. (CALLED IT.) Wait, but isn't he secretary of State? Yes, but pffffft, who cares, Trump loves Pompeo because Pompeo eats Trump's butt for breakfast. Wait, but isn't he secretary of Defense? Haha, no, silly, that is POP QUIZ BET YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THAT GUY'S NAME. Wait, but isn't he CIA director? Haha no, silly, just kidding kind of.

According to a senior Trump administration official CNN talked to, Donald Trump might be interested in "double-tapping" Mike Pompeo, which is a very gross way to put that, dammit, CNN! We were thinking about eating lunch, but we are not thinking about that anymore.

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Class War

Eugene Scalia As Trump's New Secretary Of Labor? Smother Us With A Pillow, We're Dead!

Like father like disgusting son!

Donald Trump has sent to the Senate his official nomination of Eugene Scalia, son of the late Supreme Court justice murdered by Hillary's death squads, to be the next US secretary of Labor. That's about what you'd expect from the guy whose first Labor secretary nominee, Andy Puzder, was a fast food CEO who advocated replacing minimum wage workers with burger-flipping robots, then withdrew when somebody recalled he'd been accused of beating up his wife. Not that there's a pattern or anything. In July, Secretary Alex Acosta resigned -- and Trump reluctantly let him go -- over his role in helping Jeffrey Epstein get a sweetheart plea deal years ago, because it's not great when the US Attorney sides with the child-raper.

Thank goodness no one has ever accused Eugene Scalia of ever being involved in abusing women, unless you count his arguing in 1998 that companies shouldn't be held liable for supervisors who sexually harass employees -- unless the company endorsed the harassment, you see. He also explained,

Saying "You're an incompetent stupid female bitch" a single time is not actionable environmental harassment.

One time is just having a bad day, we suppose, not a pattern. Beyond that, he argued that the concept of Quid Pro Quo sexual harassment -- demanding sex in exchange for keeping a job, or getting a promotion -- should be done away with because it's "redundant and ambiguous in theory, and cumbersome and confusing in practice."

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Culture Wars

Rudy Giuliani Took 'Blue' Anniversary of 9/11 A Little Too Literally

Here's a video that is bullshit!

September 11th, 2001 was a day that forever changed the course of history. It started a war we are still waging (Afghanistan), created new government departments (DHS, ICE), gave the government wide authorizations to violate privacy (Patriot Act), and created the security theater we all perform every time we want to go on a flight. (Because somehow a 16 ounce bottle of shampoo is bad, but two eight ounce bottles next to each other is cool. It's just science!) And as each year has passed, we've seen the anniversary of 9/11 cravenly used as a political tool, mostly by Republicans.

There is no better example of this than Trump's personal lawyer, former mayor of New York City and Nosferatu-looking fuckmouth: Rudy Giuliani.

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2016 Presidential Election

The Top 9,371 Times ProPublica Caught Brad Parscale Being A LiarF*ckingLiar

No wonder Trump loves him.

"When I give a speech, I tell it like a story," Brad Parscale told ProPublica when confronted by reporters Peter Elkind and Doris Burke with the massive shitpile of lies that make their way into his paid speeches. "My story is my story." Which is basically true, as far as it goes. The president's campaign manager is a shameless hustler, and the biography he peddles -- for $25,000 to $40,000 per appearance -- is definitely a hustle devoid of shame.

Here's how Ol' Neckpubes described his first job out of college in 1999 and his first marriage.

In his Miami speech, Parscale said he had "just had my first child, married" when he moved out to California, along with "an adopted son," before the failure of Electric Image and the loss of his job, "within a few months" of the 2001 World Trade Center attacks, sent him reeling. "In a year of that, I lost my wife. Not died — separated. … We got divorced, ended back in Texas."

Which is entirely correct, except that the child was born in 1999, Parscale didn't marry her mother until 2003, he never adopted his first wife's child, and they weren't separated until 2004. Which appears to be more than a year after 2001. But maybe we just can't math good since we didn't go to an Ivy League school like Brad Parscale.

He graduated from Trinity University in San Antonio in 1999, majoring in international business and economics. (He regularly describes it, incorrectly, as an Ivy League school.)



Okay, just one more.

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​What's Better Than Trump's Worst Poll Ever? TWO Trump's Worst Polls Evers!


Guys, we think maybe Donald Trump is not very popular with people who are American. We know, we know, he had the hugest number of free tickets available at the last minute to his inauguration, and he was elected by a solid minority of Americans in Buttfuck, Alabama, whose votes count more than those who live in cities, because reasons.

But he's never had an approval rating of 50 percent, and if the polls this week are any indication, he might have to stick with being impressed with himself when he manages to hit 40 percent.

Shall we look at some polling pornography, or as we like to call it, poll porn? We shall.

First, let's check in with President Reality-Knower:

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This Little Bahamian Girl Survived The Hurricane And You Already Guessed What Trump's Monsters Did Next!

Do you feel safer, America?

We sure wish we could be surprised by the Miami Herald's report that a 12-year-old Bahamian girl who fled the destruction caused by Hurricane Dorian was taken from her family and put into a shelter for "unaccompanied alien children" this week. And now the girl's mother can't get her out. But of course that happened. The family isn't Norwegian, now is it?

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Trump Thinks Using Foreign Spies Is HOW RUDE!

Jesus, what a useless sack of shit.

Here's a funny and ridiculous and stupid addendum to one of this week's disturbing stories, that of the CIA's highly valuable Russian asset who was apparently extracted in 2017, at least partially because officials were worried Donald Trump might actually burn the spy's identity to his patron Vladimir Putin. (This is the spy who reportedly gave the US the HUMINT -- human intelligence -- on Putin specifically ordering the Russian ratfucking operation to meddle in the 2016 election to hurt Hillary Clinton and help steal the election for Trump.) The story is disturbing for a number of reasons, but mostly because we are finding out about this right now, mere months after Trump weaponized his servant Bill Barr to investigate the investigators and get to the bottom of the origins of the Russia WITCH HUNT, including finding out about the Russian asset who betrayed Trump by telling the Americans about the Russian plan to install Trump in the presidency. If they're trying to fuck their Russian sources and discourage others from helping the United States, HECKUVA JOB.

CNN did some more reporting and found that, according to its sources, Trump just thinks spying is HOW RUDE! Like, in general. You know, if he wasn't ready to accept extremely general things that come with leading a country, like "all countries spy," then perhaps he shouldn't have let the leader of Russia steal him an election.

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Frottage Perv Mark Halperin REFUSES To Take His Gross Penis And Go Home

What part of GET THE FUCK OUT did you not understand???

Mark Halperin has trouble taking no for an answer. It's a demonstrated issue that cropped up again when he reportedly flipped out on his former boss Phil Griffin. The MSNBC president, like most of civilized society, hasn't forgotten that multiple women accused Halperin of rubbing his penis on them, against their will, at work. Griffin shot down a comeback attempt with Halperin's one-time "Morning Joe" buddies, and Halperin called him directly to, we assume, weep into the phone. When that didn't work, he got downright snippy.

Multiple sources tell The Daily Beast that the conversation earlier this year became acrimonious, with Halperin dishing up vague threats against his former boss.

You'd think someone who considered unwanted frottage "flirting" would at least make direct threats. But Halperin is probably only capable of cutting to the chase when he's threatening to ruin the careers of women who reject his advances. During Halperin's richly deserved #MeToo fall, CNN reported the following:

Another woman claimed Halperin threw her against a window before attempting to kiss her. When the woman rejected his advances, he allegedly called her and said she'd never work in politics or media again.

It's certainly ironic -- at least how Alanis Morissette defines it -- that Griffin told Halperin in so many words that he'd "never work in politics or media again." Halperin's weak-sauce threats, likely delivered while he was wearing his bathrobe, didn't successfully bully Griffin, who probably won't take his phone calls in the future.

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'I Know Nothing' Says Trump In Almost-True Tweet Denying Hoovering Military Money For His Hotel

Turncoat we mean Turnberry ain't going away yet.

When Donald Trump tweeted yesterday that the US Air Force members staying at his Scottish golf course had "NOTHING TO DO WITH ME," he wasn't lying. Well, not exactly. It's safe to assume that the president wasn't personally taking phone calls at his Turnberry resort to book rooms for American air crews at his hotel.

But he definitely knew about the arrangement with Prestwick Airport to book rooms at Turnberry, since Trump himself was instrumental in setting it up. The Scotsman's Martyn McLaughlin, who used the Scottish Freedom of Information Act to access emails from the government-owned airport, recalls a press conference in 2014 where Trump promised to bring "hundreds" more planes to the money-losing airport twenty miles away from his money-losing golf course. Then the orange-haired tycoon invited journalists to tour his personal jet with 24-carat gold seatbelt buckles. After first making them put booties on over their shoes, of course.

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Of Course Wilbur Ross Threatened To Fire All The Weather People If They Didn't Lie For Trump


Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross is one of Donald Trump's greatest loyalists, so when Trump took to griping last week about how he was actually completely right to warn Alabama it was in the path of Hurricane Dorian, Ross knew just how to back up the Great Man. Ross, who was traveling in Greece, called up the acting head of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) to demand the agency rebuke those awful meteorologists in Alabama who, shortly after Trump's September 1 tweet, pointed out there was no threat to Alabama, not at all. Shame on them for preferring "reality" over Trump!

The New York Times reports that Ross didn't just demand NOAA release a statement backing up the wise smart "president"; he also threatened that if the rogue forecasters weren't repudiated, heads would roll at NOAA. And so NOAA issued an unsigned statement Friday claiming the statement from the Birmingham office of the National Weather Service had been "inconsistent with probabilities from the best forecast products available at the time." NWS meteorologists immediately lost their shit about the weather being Stalinized, and everyone started citing George Orwell on what two plus two equals.

In response to the Times story, a Commerce Department spokesperson insisted Ross had definitely not threatened to fire anyone, no sir, but the Times also points out the spokesperson

declined to comment on whether Mr. Ross had spoken with the NOAA administrator or ordered the agency to rebut the statement contradicting the president's assertion about a threat to Alabama.

This seems like a good opportunity to mention that Wilbur Ross totally lied to Congress about why his department wanted to add a citizenship question to the Census. So yeah, let's trust him on this.

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John Bolton, You Are BYE FELICIA BYE!

We don't know how to feel right now, but we can't stop laughing either.

Well, well, well, John Bolton! Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!

Is it Infrastructure Week? It must be Infrastructure Week. Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted to bitch about all the FAKE NEWS about his failed photo op with the Taliban, and he presidentially proclaimed that there was no discord in his national security team, none at all.

A lot can change in 24 hours, we guess!

Uh huh.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Here it is!

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Post-Racial America

Stacey Abrams Has A PLAN FOR THAT.

And believe it or not, there's a Democrat running for Senate.

Stacey Abrams believes Democrats should and can compete in the South. Don't laugh. It's not such a crazy idea. We used to do all right in the land that grows Huckabees. Democratic presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton were both Southerners, and even gangland Chicago's Barack "The Tan Suit" Obama was practically one of us. Remember how he belted out "Amazing Grace" at Charleston's Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church?

Abrams specially argues that Georgia is winnable. She lost the governor's race there by just 55,000 votes, and the "winner" had his grubby fingers on the scale. Abrams released a playbook this week that lays out a path to Democratic victory, and her proposed strategy is more comprehensive than "don't let Republicans cheat."

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House Dems Just Curious Why Trump FORCING UKRAINE TO MEDDLE IN 2020 ELECTION

When they go low, we kick 'em in the teeth.

THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY ELECTION SYSTEM. Today we're getting a preview of how America's journalists will handle another electoral cycle where the GOP gins up fantastical lies and pretends they're smoking gun evidence of Democratic corruption. Will the media give oxygen to Rudy Giuliani's smear campaign about Joe Biden and Ukraine the way they did the Hillary Clinton Uranium One stories? Or will they do their damn jobs and cut the bothsides-ing bullshit?

So far the record is mixed, with the New York Times falling on its ass right out of the gate by printing Giuliani's Ukrainium One crap about Biden's role in the 2016 firing of massively corrupt Ukrainian prosecutor Viktor Shokin. Despite zero evidence that Biden even knew that his son was associated with a Ukrainian natural gas firm, Times reporter Ken Vogel referred to "the Bidens' Ukrainian work" six times in his article. Thanks, Ken!

Bloomberg conclusively demonstrated that Giuliani was lying, since Shokin had closed his investigation of the company more than a year before Biden, backed up by the IMF and the EU, pressured Ukraine to clean house and get rid of Shokin. No doubt Dean Baquet will get right on clarifying that ... NEVER.

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Everything About This Russian Spy Extraction Story Is Unsettling As F*ck

There is fuckery afoot, we guarantee it.

Here's a story that will make you feel all kinds of things! Some of the things you feel will be like "Oh wow, 'Homeland' is REAL, you guys!" Other things you feel will be the pain in your head as you bang it against the wall repeatedly, as you absorb the fact that Donald Trump, yet again, is compromising our national security in a way heretofore unthinkable for an American president.

Oh yeah, and you are probably going to leave this post feeling really unsettled about the whole thing, so last chance to get off this particular train!

The story is this: CNN reports that in 2017, the CIA extracted a high-level source we had cultivated at the center of the Kremlin -- indeed, our most valuable Russian asset -- and the agency did it at least partially because they were worried Donald Trump was going to burn the source's identity to his BFFs the Russians, who are (factcheck) America's sworn adversaries. This would be a reasonable fear!

But let's go through this a bit more thoroughly, because there's fuckery afoot, we guarantee it.

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Jerry And His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcock: The Jerry Falwell Jr. Story! Allegedly!

Jerry Falwell Jr. fucks his wife, OK? HE FUCKS HIS WIFE!

When we clicked on the Politico long-read everybody's talking about today, about Jerry Falwell Jr., leader of the Liberty University clown college, and his destruction of what passes as his father's legacy, the first thing we noticed was the author of the piece. Brandon Ambrosino ... haven't we told that guy to go fuck himself before? Yes, we have, five years ago! Ambrosino was one of a contrarian cohort of gay conservative journalists who wrote from time to time to tell us all that the mainstream LGBT movement was very unfair to those poor conservative Christians, who just wanted the freedom to deny LGBT folks life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness at the ballot box, in the courts, and anywhere else they could. Frankly, he pissed us off, but then we forgot about him.

However, as it happens, we think Ambrosino is probably exactly the right journalist to tell the inside story of what's really going on at Liberty. He went to school there, he knows the characters involved, and he even, at least several years back, had a "soft spot for the deceased evil known as Jerry Falwell," as we wrote at the time. He knows Jerry Jr. He knows Jonathan Falwell, Jerry's brother, who runs Jerry Sr.'s old Thomas Road Baptist Church.

Part of the title of Ambrosino's piece is "Someone's Gotta Tell The Freakin' Truth," and that's a quote from a current Liberty official who's close to the Falwells and who dished to Ambrosino -- of course, off the record. Indeed, that person was one of "more than two dozen" current and former Liberty employees who spoke for the article -- of course, off the record.

There's no way we can do this piece justice, as it is 8,000 words long, so you need to read the whole thing, as they say on the internet. But we will hit the highlights, only some of which are about Jerry Falwell Jr.'s penis.

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