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'Essential Worker' Mike Pence Maybe Giving Everybody Coronavirus, So That's Happening

At least five members of the vice president’s staff have tested positive for COVID-19.

Vice President Mike Pence is head of the White House Coronavirus Task Force. He's done such a bang-up job that the virus is spreading unchecked throughout the nation, and the administration's official response is a shrug emoji. The president and first lady contracted COVID-19 a few weeks ago, along with seemingly everyone they met in passing. Now, Pence's own inner circle is falling ill.

The New York Times reports that at least five people close to Pence have recently tested positive for the coronavirus. This includes Chief of Staff Marc Short, close aide Zach Bauer and outside adviser Marty Obst. Bauer is Pence's “body man," a civilian personal assistant who accompanies the vice president pretty much everywhere and helps him with a wide range of duties. Last we checked, the coronavirus is highly contagious so it seems odd that Bauer could have it without passing it on to the vice president. However, the vice president's office confirms that Pence and his wife, Mother, both tested negative Sunday and you can take that to the bank.

Pence should quarantine himself after exposure to multiple people with COVID-19. That would seem a responsible action from the head of the White House Coronavirus Task Force, but he's not gonna. The vice president's spokesman, Devin O'Malley, provided a laughable explanation on Saturday.

"While Vice President Pence is considered a close contact with Mr. Short, in consultation with the White House Medical Unit, the vice president will maintain his schedule in accordance with the C.D.C. guidelines for essential personnel."

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Conspiracy Theories

Projector-In-Chief Pretty Sure Doctors Inflating COVID-19 Numbers Just To Get Rich And Famous

It's what his amoral ass would do, so he just assumes everybody is just like him. Eight more motherfucking days, everyone.

Can Donald Trump go any lower? The answer is always yes. President Limbo Champion held a superspreader event in Waukesha, Wisconsin, his fifth in the state during the campaign. He told the crowd he's confident he'll win Wisconsin, where he's consistently trailed Joe Biden. Hey, the polls were wrong in 2016 (no, they weren't), so they're probably wrong again. Trump is the master of stupid science.

In reality, Joe Biden is more popular than Hillary Clinton was among white male Wisconsin voters, especially those without college degrees. The reasons are both obvious and depressing. There's also no evidence this time of significant third-party defections that'll help Trump limp across the finish line. He's going to have to rely on his impressive record and brilliant political instincts.

Up North News reports on the rally:

"By the way. You have to get out and vote," Trump told the crowd of roughly 3,000 at Waukesha County Airport. "I'm out here — what the hell time is it? And it's freezing. If I don't win this state, I'm going to be very mad at you."

We're gonna miss that charming sadism once Trump's flushed from the White House.

He managed to get even worse. When whining about the pandemic he's tried his best to ignore, Trump repeated his big lie about how we only have coronavirus cases because we test for them. It's the Weeping Angels of diseases. Trump must've blinked. That's how his dumb ass wound up hospitalized.

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News

You Wanna Watch Obama Read Trump For Filth? Sure You Do.

The last American president is so very good at this.

Barack Obama, at a campaign rally in Miami, Florida, Saturday, carved up Donald Trump like a Halloween pumpkin. The former president has held back from directly confronting the COVID-spreader-in-chief, but the gloves have been off since his Democratic National Convention speech, which reduced Trump to live-tweeting in an oh-so-stable-genius ALL-CAPS: “HE SPIED ON MY CAMPAIGN, AND GOT CAUGHT!" (Obama did no such thing).

Obama has far more chill than Trump, which should surprise no one. Trump bullies and insults while Obama is a master of deadpan.

OBAMA: Now, I've sat in the Oval Office with both of the men who are running for president. They're very different people.

This is already shaping up like a John Mulaney routine. Obama reprises a theme from his DNC speech: He never expected Trump to share his vision or continue his policies, but he hoped Trump would at least take the job seriously. Trump never did, because while he's a serious threat, he's not a serious person.

OBAMA: He hasn't shown any interest in doing the work or helping anybody except himself and his friends or treating the presidency like a reality show to give himself more attention. And as we noted the other day, his TV ratings are down.

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Journalism

Interested In Some Uncritically Presented, BS GOP Talking Points?The New York Times Can Help!

What’s with these people?

Joe Biden is thumping Donald Trump in the suburbs, building on Democratic gains from the 2018 midterms. However, according to the New York Times, white suburbanites in Atlanta are “sticking with Trump," and it's not because they're dumb and racist. No, Trump's "law-and-order message," which is racist, just resonates somehow with these dummies.

Natalie Pontius is an interior decorator, married with two children and a University of Georgia alumna. She was born and raised in Atlanta, but moved to the city's exurbs with her family several years ago, drawn to the region's quality of public education. In November, she's voting for Donald Trump.

The decision was a no-brainer, said Ms. Pontius, 48, who in 2018 helped run her friend's Republican campaign in a state House race. "The riots, the push to defund the police — that's not the direction our country needs to go," she said. "I feel like the Democratic Party is continually trying to come up with ways to divide us."

Oh no! Biden's lost noted swing voter, Natalie Pontius. We went to the University of Georgia around the same time, but we never met so she never worried about me lowering the property values of her dorm. I'm not a fancy New York Times journalist, but I tend to think that a Republican political consultant isn't a persuadable voter. They all didn't join The Lincoln Project. The Times makes it seem as if Pontius was just doing a favor for her office-seeking friend, but she was a paid consultant. It was her job. She's described as an interior decorator in the lede, but there's no evidence online that she even has a business. Finding just the right spot for friends to display their Gone with the Wind commemorative plates doesn't make you an interior decorator.

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