So, how's that wall working out? Did Mexico reimburse us yet, or do we have to submit our receipts through payroll? A 2,000-mile construction project is totes NBD, right?

LOLOLOLOL we are to kid!

As with literally every single thing Donald Trump said during the campaign, this is an absolute bullshit oversimplification of a really complex issue.

'We're gonna come up with a new plan that's going to be better health care for more people at a lesser cost' - DJT, 1/25/17

So, for reals, where are we on this border wall?

Well, we do have AN EXECUTIVE ORDER!! It has eleventy million words, which mostly add up to:

  1. Terrorists and drugs come across from Mexico, time to panic!
  2. We need a "contiguous, physical wall or other similarly secure, contiguous, and impassable physical barrier," and we need it now.
  3. Commence Deport-o-Rama.
  4. Build more detention facilities for illegals.
  5. Tally up how much money we spent on Mexican aid for the past five years, issue veiled threats.
  6. Co-opt local law enforcement to participate in mass deportation.
  7. Do A STUDY.

Don't we all feel safer now?

Also the government put out a request for proposals, specifying that the structure should be 18-30 feet high, extend 6 feet under ground, and be pretty to look at from the US side. The Mexico side should be covered with middle finger emojis, PROBABLY.

As long as we're already in fantasyland...

Other than that, we seem to be entering a period of adjustment. Specifically, it's time to lower expectations on all the bullshit promises made to the rubes during the campaign. For instance, yesterday Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke told the Public Lands Council

The border is complicated, as far as building a physical wall. The Rio Grande, what side of the river are you going to put the wall? We're not going to put it on our side and cede the river to Mexico. And we're probably not going to put it in the middle of the river.

And then the internet pointed and laughed because hahahahaha, Ryan Zinke is maybe suggesting that the wall will be on the other side of the Rio Grande, in Mexico. Here's Chuck Schumer's spokesman, getting in one of the first digs.

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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