Trump's Good Boy Jeff Sessions Gone Lock Her Up. Wonkagenda For Tues., Nov. 14, 2017
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
As we find out just how creepy Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore is/was to all young girls in Gadsden, Alabama, Republicans are bailing on him and actively considering how they could "You're Fired" him, if he's actually elected.
If it will please the court of public opinion, Yr Wonkette would like to call your attention to Exhibit 1,939,347, titled "Sexting Between Wikileaks and Donald Trump Jr," and ask the jury to suppress its giggles at the part where Assange asks to be ambassador to Australia in exchange for spreading Russian propaganda.
Later today, Jeff Sessions will sit before the House Judiciary Committee to answer MORE Trump-Russia questions; Louie Gohmert and Trey Gowdy will likely try to change the subject to keep Sessions from perjuring himself (again).
Mike Pence issued a statement maintaining his ignorance of Trump-Russia, claiming that his head is so far up Mother's ass that there's no possible way he could have known.
Buzzfeed is trying to get the government to come clean about THE DOSSIER, but officials keep stalling.
Mike Pence has been busy setting up healthcare to fail as he crams his cronies into public offices where they can quietly dismantle regulations holding back bad doctors and big pharma.
ICYMI: Churches and NPOs will reap huge benefits under the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich), and allow them to behave like political organizations.
Gun massacres in the US have become so prevalent that there's an unofficial caucus in Congress of legislators helping each other grip and grieve.
The president and CEO of Concerned Women for America, a right-wing group of loons that hates all good things (like gay marriage, porn, and divorce) Penny Young Nance, has decided to walk away from consideration as Trump's ambassador-at-large for global women’s issues. Shame.
If you've been paying attention, it shouldn't surprise you that almost all of Trump's judicial nominees are older white guys.
There's a lot of dicks in law enforcement, statistically speaking, and the sausage party is starting to take a toll on how cops do their job.
The FBI has released its stats on hatecrimes in 2016, and (SHOCKINGLY) crimes against Muslims, LGBQT, black people and Jews are up by about five percent.
The Senate Foreign Relations Committee and NATO allies are worried that Trump might get a wild tweet up his ass and initiate a thermonuclear war, so they're holding a hearing today to weigh their options.
When Trump's White House tried to con a bunch of diplomats in Germany into buying the myth of clean coal, about 100 people stood up, called it, "bullshit," and sung "killing across the world for that coal money" to the tune of "God Bless the USA."
When Whitefish Energy found out it was tapped to turn the lights back on in Puerto Rico, they hired a bunch of linemen from Florida, paid them a pittance per hour, plus overtime, and billed Puerto Rico quintuple their cost. So much for the spirit of brotherhood.
The jury in the NJ Dem. Bob Menendez bribery trial told the judge it was hung, so the judge told them to get their shit together, lock the door, and not to come out until they reach a verdict.
The Congressional Hispanic Caucus doesn't want to let in FL Republican Rep. Carlos Curbelo. They're worried that it might help him win a tight election against a Democrat, AND smash the hopes of DACA kids and Dreamers.
Kansas is hiding some seriously shady shit, and it's actually kind of scary to think that the state can silence children, anonymously write legislation, let cops kill people, and privatize Medicaid. #Greatjournalism
Russian propaganda trolls tweeted out video game footage and tried to pass it off as the US helping ISIS.
Embattled UK Prime Minister Theresa May called out Putin for "planting fake stories" and trying to "undermine free societies" in front of a bunch of fancy business people.
The House is calling the US role arming the Saudi military for its
genocide catastrophic war in Yemen unauthorized, but they're not going to do anything about it.
Dem reps. Elijah Cumings and Frank Pallone want to investigate FCC Chairman Ajit Pai for his heavyhanded role in helping Sinclair try and gobble up Tribune Media Company, and other small town news stations.
Yesterday, Facebook kind of admitted that Russia paid it many Not-American Ameros to fuck around with the Brexit vote, but it stopped short of coming clean.
Of course Trump's weird, unofficial Jesus-freak is a televangelist Stepford Wife, coincidentally married to the keyboardist from Journey, and gets paid in souls.
Conservative mega-donor and Las Vegas casino magnate Sheldon Adelson is giving Steve Bannon the finger, and throwing all his money behind Mitch McConnell, surprising nobody (other than Bannon's anti-semites).
Wayne Allyn Root was screaming into his microphone about the homosex liberals at the Washington Post investi-gayting Roy Moore's ALLEGED kiddy diddling instead of Hannity's uranium thing, or "Bathhouse Barry" Obama's gaymo sexual relationships.
Alex Jones was talking about his gay in-laws, and naturally Jones brought in Proud Boy founder Gavin McInnes to discuss the prevalence of spousal abuse among lesbian couples, as both are learned scholars on the subject of wife beating.
Conspiracy crank Mike Cernovich is full of butthurt about all the mean things people are saying about him and his "pro-America, pro-family, pro-morals" message, and thinks that we're KILLING the nuclear family.
Earlier this morning, CNN's Chris Cuomo sparred with Trump's unofficial apologist Corey Lewandowski, and it was an amazing, mindnumbing shitshow.
And here's your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert had some talky time with Uncle Joe Biden; James Corden is scared of "Yo Mama" jokes; Jimmy Kimmel had mean tweets; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump-Russia and Roy Moore; The Daily Show looked at the bullshit defense of Roy Moore; Jordan Klepper was in Puerto Rico with Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz.
And here's your morning Nice Time! LION CUBS!
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