Confederate Monument Jeff Sessions Shall Rise Again, Run For Old Senate Seat
The New York Times reports that Jeff Sessions, the former senator from Alabama, will run for his old seat next year. Sessions apparently doesn't want his "final act in public life" to be as Donald Trump's former attorney general. This isn't because he's embarrassed over his part in Trump's cruel child separation policy, which he personally found hilarious. No, his old boss made his life a living hell, ridiculing him publicly and privately as a "total joke." Sometimes even Trump is right.
Trump never forgave Sessions for recusing himself from the Russia investigation and not functioning as his personal lawyer. It was perhaps the sole honorable deed in a lifetime spent kicking minorities in the ass. Sessions has spoken to aides, consultants, and fortune tellers to determine if Trump might "warm up" to him again and support his candidacy. It should come as no surprise that Trump is a monster who holds grudges longer than he keeps wives. Trump has told Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader, that he still thinks Sessions sucks and will beat the racist troll up on Twitter again if he runs.
The first mean tweet across the bow came yesterday from Rep. Matt Gaetz, who's the son Trump never had.
Jeff Sessions returning to the Senate is a terrible idea.— Matt Gaetz (@Matt Gaetz)1573082072.0
Gaetz is young and has only lived in a world where there's a Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Sessions served in the Senate for almost 15 years with Lindsey Graham. His fellow Southerner's probably glad to have him back.
Sen. Lindsey Graham on potential Jeff Sessions Senate run: "Well, I like Jeff. I thought he was a great senator, bu… https://t.co/o50vijZTkO— The Hill (@The Hill)1572978137.0
Ouch. Graham said that Sessions "was a great senator" not that he will be one again. The statement of "praise" is entirely past tense, not even future perfect. Graham is right, though, that the campaign will get ugly if Sessions is the nominee. Trump is very popular in Alabama, but it's unlikely he'd use any of that "power of Trump" on Sessions's behalf. He might even hold anti-Sessions rallies in Alabama. This is not good news for Republicans, not even John McCain. The GOP just wants to defeat incumbent Senator Doug Jones, who is a Democrat in Alabama. This shouldn't be hard. I don't think Jones ever officially moved into his office. But Roy Moore is also running again. Trump is petty enough to endorse the perverted racist over the regular-flavor racist. This is all a potential shit show that I hope results in an encore performance for Jones in the Senate.
Sessions to Harris: 'Rushed' questioning 'makes me nervous' www.youtube.com
Sessions gave a speech Tuesday at Northwestern University on "The Real Meaning of the Trump Agenda." The college Republicans invited him to the campus so that decent people could boo him. This irritated Sessions, who just wanted to tell empathy-free young conservatives how WALL and whites-only immigration would best serve "the interests of Americans" from 1959.
SESSIONS: I'm just going to tell you, this is stupid. They can have a right to do it, OK, but at some point I have to speak. You shouldn't be blaming young Republicans for meticulously defending their beliefs and putting up with this kind of trash.
Boo hoo. Are you gonna cry, Jeff? As a senator, Sessions repeatedly declined to protect abortion providers and people who seek abortions from anti-choice zealots. That was all in the name of "free speech," so he can suck it up and take a few chants of "Fuck Jeff Sessions" and "You are a racist, you put kids in cages." (I don't advise the former but the latter is inarguably correct.)
Sessions was Trump's first major endorsement during the 2016 Republican primary. He eagerly embraced Trump in return for the power to oppress the marginalized. He deserves everything Trump will continue doing to him.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).