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Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)

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Oh hey guys, some shocking and unfathomable breaking news: Bill O’Reilly repeatedly said he was somewhere and saw something when he was not in fact there and did not in fact see that thing — to the fainting couch, we know! — but it’s you liberal pinheads’ fault for not understanding the utter greatness and unimpeachable veracity of Bill O’Reilly, Hero of the People 17 Octogenarians Who Still Watch Cable News. And what did Bill-O — last seen lying about witnessing a JFK assassination figure’s suicide even though he was, you know, in a completely different city — say this time for you dumb hippies to intentionally misconstrue, because something something character assassination something something Benghazi?


On multiple occasions, including a 2005 radio segment and a 2012 episode of The O’Reilly Factor, O’Reilly told a story about seeing nuns “get shot in the back of the head” in El Salvador while he was there covering the civil war there for CBS News.

But as Media Matters points out, the incident he described, in which Salvadorans raped and shot four U.S. nuns happened in December 1980. O’Reilly did not go to El Salvador until after he was promoted to CBS News correspondent in 1981, according to his own book, The No Spin Zone.

The exact quote, if you bother listening to that 1-minute clip of O’Reilly’s show Media Matters has provided — which we did because The Editrix is paying us to and now we are going to start day-drinking — is: “I’ve seen guys gun down nuns in El Salvador.”

But as it turns out, that is not at all what O’Reilly meant to say. He meant to say that he’s seen pictures of guys gunning down nuns in El Salvador, and that is exactly the same thing.

“While in El Salvador, reporters were shown horrendous images of violence that were never broadcast, including depictions of nuns who were murdered. The mention of the nuns on my program came the day of the Newtown massacre (December 14, 2012). The segment was about evil and how hard it is for folks to comprehend it. I used the murdered nuns as an example of that evil. That’s what I am referring to when I say ‘I saw nuns get shot in the back of the head.’ No one could possibly take that segment as reporting on El Salvador.”

Yeah, I mean, how could you possible take Bill-O saying that he saw nuns being shot in cold blood to mean that he saw nuns being shot in cold blood when it is plainly obvious that he meant that months later he saw some pictures of this thing? What is wrong with you people taking his words at face value and not understanding that he doesn’t really mean them? Geez. Pinheads.

Fox News, a journalistic enterprise of unsurpassed integrity, is out with a statement supporting Bill-O, and did you really expect anything else? No you did not.

“Bill O’Reilly has already addressed several claims leveled against him. This is nothing more than an orchestrated campaign by far left advocates Mother Jones and Media Matters. Responding to the unproven accusation du jour has become an exercise in futility. FOX News maintains its staunch support of O’Reilly, who is no stranger to calculated onslaughts.”

Calculated onslaughts. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.

[Mediaite]

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