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Trying To Decipher Meg Whitman's Messican Advertisement

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WHAT? Speak American! Meg Whitman has decided to court the Messicans in her race for California governor, and here is her first ad. It airs today during a soccer match, so apparently she's trying to get the gay vote too. What is being said? WE DON'T KNOW, WE'RE AMERICAN. So here's an attempt to figure out what's being said by what's going on in the video.

Whenever Meg Whitman wants to know about gardening tools, she consults the Hispanic community FIRST.

Meg Whitman loves children and as CEO of eBay had the privilege to see many of them auctioned off.

Meg Whitman once had a Chihuahua, like many Hispanic people. It was named Pepe and made this face all the time.

"This opone got laid in Arizona."

In this election you have a choice: Meg Whitman and suave Hispanic businessman or grinder thing and keyboard. Only one ticket has what it takes to lead California.

She has boobs.

Meg Whitman plans to fix California's fault lines with giant Post-It notes. No more earthquakes!

She has boobs. This undocumented Hispanic construction worker knows what I'm talking about!

Meg Whitman and her girlfriends are fans of well-known Mexican-American singer Selena Gomez. Here they are before heading out to her concert!

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Yeah, that's my daughter and I made this

Guys!

Last

month

was

crazy!

First, NASA sent its last message to the Mars Opportunity rover! THEN scientists said that all the insects are dying but not the human-looking ones in the GOP. As if THAT wasn't enough, some brave pendejos with grandes cojones are going to try and get seafloor creatures from under a giant ice shelf in the ANTARCTIC!

So, yeah, all three of those stories happened last month. Let's cover each in a science lightning round.

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Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is terrible at her job. Her objectives and overall mission are evil, but if it's any consolation she can't effectively implement them. After buying her Cabinet position at Sotheby's, DeVos has spent the past two years trying to roll back Obama-era policies designed to protect and actually educate students. Unfortunately for her evil schemes, federal courts keep smacking down her slimy efforts. It's getting embarrassing.

DeVos recently had to cancel $150 million in student loan debt after courts said her attempts to stop the "borrow defense" regulations from taking effect were in fact illegal. Last week, she was forced to instruct colleges to follow the Obama rule barring mandatory arbitration agreements. She got kicked in the teeth earlier this month when a federal judge ruled she'd acted illegally ... again. This time, DeVos tried to delay an Obama-era guideline that required states to address racial disparities in their special education programs. Judge Tanya S. Chutkan called the delay "arbitrary" and "capricious."

The rule, drafted under the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act, would require states to identify districts with "significant disproportionality" in the number of minority students channeled into special education services, segregated in restrictive classroom settings or disciplined.

OK, so what was the "education" secretary's issue with this rule? We want to imagine there's some rationale we're not seeing and DeVos is more than just some yacht-collecting monster.

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