Tucker Carlson Unsure If Witches Are Legally Allowed To Cast Spells On Donald Trump
"We bind you Donald from doing harm, harm against others and harm against yourself"
As you may know from your Facebook event invites, witches and pagans and probably lots of other people have been gathering once a month since Donald Trump's inauguration in order to cast binding spells on him.
Noted Death Eater and obvious Slytherin Tucker Carlson has been hoping to get one of them on his show for quite some time, and finally got witch and "Oracle of Los Angeles" Amanda Yates Garcia to agree to an interview.
It was... well, it was very interesting:
Before we get into this: I do not watch Tucker Carlson a lot. Does he always do that confused Labrador face when interviewing people or was this a special occasion?
[Ed note: Yes, Robyn. He does. Please see below.]
PROOF: Tucker Carlson looks at all his guests like they're eating mayonnaise straight out the jar. pic.twitter.com/td2MOvml1z— AM to DM (@AM2DM) September 11, 2017
In the interview, Garcia explained that what they were doing was casting a binding spell on Donald Trump, like how they did to Fairuza Balk in The Craft, in hopes of preventing him from doing harm.
Presented with this information, Carlson was quite incredulous, and oddly surprised that this was not against the law to do.
"Is this legal? Can you run around casting spells on... Are you allowed to cast spells on people? Is there any kind of federal regulation on this?"
Constitutional scholar that he is, you'd think that Tucker would know that there hasn't been any legal regulation of witchcraft on these shores since before the American Revolution. Because of that whole thing in the Constitution about Freedom of Religion and what have you. Prior to that, the legality of witchcraft was really left up to the individual colony -- for instance, it was legal to practice witchcraft in Rhode Island because founder Roger Williams was not a fan of telling people what religion they were allowed to be.
Also, as I recall, legal regulations did not work out so well for Massachusetts.
Carlson then went on to ask Garcia if "eye of newt" -- as mentioned in the famous Shakespearian documentary, Macbeth -- was a real ingredient in spells.
Garcia was not here for that:
“I think the real problem is not whether or not eye of newt is an actual ingredient. The real problem is we’re about to have some kind of big nuclear extravaganza with North Korea. The real problem is that we’re punishing immigrant children. The real problem is that we’re causing students to go into deep debt. I don’t think the real problem is whether or not we use eye of newt.”
Perhaps fearing for the sanctity of a certain Gingrich's eyesight, Carlson pressed on, forcing Garcia to explain to him that Shakespeare, being Shakespeare and not Ken Burns, probably took a bit of "poetic license" with that bit.
The bonus here is that Carlson appears to actually believe that casting spells on people is possible, so perhaps these groups should consider adding some spells against twerpy Fox News anchors to their repertoire.
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse