Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller Simply Does Not Care For All These Whorish 'Teachers' Whoring It Up


Every day, when we wake up, we like to ask ourselves: Are teachers somewhere doing sex for money? Will today be the day that some website says they are? Please please pretty please G_d, let today be the day we cancall teachers whores!

Believe it when The Daily Caller tells you: If you find any fault with public school teachers, you will definitely hear about how very hard they work, and how they care so much about making the world a better place.

The Daily Caller now has evidence that the many spirited defenders of the old profession of teaching are right in many exciting, stimulating ways.

Hahaha, oh we get it! Teachers do not work hard or care about making the world a better place! (Only reporters at the Daily Caller do that.) Can you guess why? We bet you cannot guess why. We will just tell you. IT IS BECAUSE ALL TEACHERS ARE WHORES!!!1!

Man, the only way the Daily Caller could be more filled with jizz about getting to call teachers whores is if it were simultaneously getting to beat up homos in public restrooms!

Oh right, they must have some sort of reason for thinking teachers are doing sex for money, right?

SeekingArrangement.com, which bills itself as “the #1 online dating website for sugar babies and generous men,” is now boasting that some 40,000 public school teachers of a certain moral caliber have joined the website in an attempt to sell sexual services seek wealthy, older men for “mutually beneficial relationships.”

Well, that is kind of skeevy, SeekingArrangement.com! But since we are talking about "teachers," we thought it might be fun to do some math!

There are 7.2 million teachers in the United States. If 40,000 of them are whorin' it up at SeekingArrangement.com, we can write that in a Math-Word-Thing that goes like this! "x times 7,200,000 equals 40,000." Then we divide both sides by seven-point-two-million, and then we do a thing where we move the decimal point over because "percent," it's kind of confusing, but if you forget to do this you will have the wrong answer don't ask us to explain it, we can't really, not our job, and oh my! It is true! According to SeekingArrangement.com, .555 percent of teachers are total prosties!

Of course, it's also possible most of your precious snowflakes' third grade teachers aren't on the site, but are selling it on the street corner instead. That would probably up it to a full .75 percent.

Shut down the schools, everybody. They are filled with moral turpituders, and also sluts.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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